1
00:00:09,175 --> 00:00:10,802
[buzzer]
2
00:00:13,013 --> 00:00:16,516
- The tea in Nepal
is very hot.
3
00:00:18,101 --> 00:00:22,731
- But the coffee in Peru
is much hotter.
4
00:00:24,190 --> 00:00:25,775
[buzzer]
5
00:00:25,817 --> 00:00:28,403
- Last week, I finally became
permanent manager
6
00:00:28,528 --> 00:00:30,321
of Dunder Mifflin Scranton.
7
00:00:30,447 --> 00:00:32,532
My first project:
increase security.
8
00:00:32,699 --> 00:00:34,743
I got these doors
from a jewelry store
9
00:00:34,826 --> 00:00:35,994
that had recently gone
out of business.
10
00:00:36,036 --> 00:00:37,203
Now they're protecting
11
00:00:37,245 --> 00:00:39,497
America's real treasure--
paper!
12
00:00:39,622 --> 00:00:42,417
Every morning, I email
the day's security codes.
13
00:00:42,542 --> 00:00:43,752
To the outside observer,
14
00:00:43,835 --> 00:00:44,878
it sounds like
the most natural
15
00:00:44,961 --> 00:00:46,296
conversation in the world.
16
00:00:46,421 --> 00:00:49,090
- The swans fly south
in the summertime.
17
00:00:49,174 --> 00:00:51,343
- But in winter,
they fly north.
18
00:00:53,595 --> 00:00:55,221
- Something that's been
really missing from my life
19
00:00:55,263 --> 00:00:57,265
has been writing
secret codes.
20
00:00:57,349 --> 00:01:00,935
It's not the KGB,
but it's a start.
21
00:01:00,977 --> 00:01:02,771
[buzzer]
22
00:01:02,896 --> 00:01:05,273
- The tea in Nepal
is very hot.
23
00:01:05,357 --> 00:01:07,317
- But the coffee in Peru
is far hotter.
24
00:01:07,400 --> 00:01:09,903
- Close.
25
00:01:09,986 --> 00:01:11,154
- This is Tuesday, right?
26
00:01:11,279 --> 00:01:14,240
The--the coffee
in Paraguay is far hotter?
27
00:01:14,366 --> 00:01:15,575
- Colder.
28
00:01:15,617 --> 00:01:17,077
- The coffee in Paraguay
is colder?
29
00:01:17,202 --> 00:01:19,120
- No, I meant
you were getting colder.
30
00:01:19,245 --> 00:01:20,747
The correct response is,
31
00:01:20,789 --> 00:01:23,041
the coffee in Peru
is much hotter.
32
00:01:23,083 --> 00:01:24,709
- Oh, much.
Okay.
33
00:01:24,793 --> 00:01:26,836
- But that's three wrong,
so I gotta give you the steam.
34
00:01:26,920 --> 00:01:28,088
- No.
35
00:01:28,254 --> 00:01:29,381
- Unless you want me
to break protocol.
36
00:01:34,969 --> 00:01:38,723
- No, no.
Give me the steam.
37
00:01:38,807 --> 00:01:39,641
[phone clicks]
38
00:01:41,267 --> 00:01:43,311
[steam whooshes]
39
00:01:43,353 --> 00:01:45,980
It's just harmless steam
to panic intruders.
40
00:01:46,106 --> 00:01:49,943
I'd like to get harmful steam,
but the prices are absurd.
41
00:01:50,068 --> 00:01:54,906
Break protocol!
Break protocol! Break protocol!
42
00:01:55,031 --> 00:01:57,492
- Oh, I'm saving a fortune
on dry-cleaning.
43
00:01:57,659 --> 00:02:00,704
[cheerful music]
44
00:02:00,787 --> 00:02:07,752
{\an8}? ?
45
00:02:30,025 --> 00:02:31,276
{\an8}- Mama.
46
00:02:31,317 --> 00:02:33,570
{\an8}- Angela,
someone wants you.
47
00:02:33,611 --> 00:02:35,071
{\an8}- Okay.
Coming.
48
00:02:35,113 --> 00:02:38,074
{\an8}[baby crying]
49
00:02:38,199 --> 00:02:39,826
{\an8}Hi, baby.
50
00:02:39,868 --> 00:02:41,286
{\an8}- Angela's divorce
from the senator
51
00:02:41,453 --> 00:02:43,455
{\an8}has been very difficult
for her.
52
00:02:43,580 --> 00:02:45,540
{\an8}When she got kicked out
of her apartment,
53
00:02:45,665 --> 00:02:48,168
{\an8}I invited her
to move in with me.
54
00:02:48,293 --> 00:02:51,504
{\an8}Ironic that now it's Angela
who's living in the closet.
55
00:02:51,671 --> 00:02:53,798
{\an8}Hey-o.
56
00:02:53,882 --> 00:02:56,760
{\an8}Saddle shoes with denim?
[laughs]
57
00:02:56,801 --> 00:02:59,971
{\an8}I will literally call
child protective services.
58
00:03:05,977 --> 00:03:08,730
{\an8}- Every morning, I take
Phillip to my church daycare.
59
00:03:08,813 --> 00:03:10,607
{\an8}I love St. Julian's.
60
00:03:10,732 --> 00:03:13,276
{\an8}They do not care about
your social position.
61
00:03:13,318 --> 00:03:17,447
{\an8}They even let the custodial
staff attend services.
62
00:03:17,530 --> 00:03:19,699
{\an8}Some services.
63
00:03:19,783 --> 00:03:22,369
{\an8}- See you at 6:00.
64
00:03:22,494 --> 00:03:23,703
{\an8}Angela.
- Yeah.
65
00:03:23,787 --> 00:03:25,413
{\an8}- We can't accept
Phillip anymore.
66
00:03:25,455 --> 00:03:26,664
{\an8}- Why not?
67
00:03:26,706 --> 00:03:27,874
{\an8}- It has come to our attention
68
00:03:27,916 --> 00:03:29,751
{\an8}you're cohabitating
with a gay man.
69
00:03:29,834 --> 00:03:31,961
{\an8}- Well--
- Another gay man.
70
00:03:32,045 --> 00:03:33,463
{\an8}- Okay, well, I can explain--
71
00:03:33,588 --> 00:03:36,966
{\an8}- Angela, we don't understand
what this lifestyle choice is,
72
00:03:37,092 --> 00:03:38,843
{\an8}but it doesn't accord
with our values.
73
00:03:38,885 --> 00:03:40,929
{\an8}I'm sorry.
- [sighs]
74
00:03:41,012 --> 00:03:43,223
{\an8}- Oh, hold on there, sweetie.
[chuckles]
75
00:03:43,264 --> 00:03:45,225
{\an8}We need to keep you away
from her because
76
00:03:45,350 --> 00:03:48,728
{\an8}we don't want you to pick up
any confusing words, do we?
77
00:03:48,812 --> 00:03:50,397
{\an8}- Confusing words?
78
00:03:50,480 --> 00:03:53,566
{\an8}- Bye, Angela.
So sorry. Bye, Phillip.
79
00:03:55,193 --> 00:03:57,237
{\an8}- What a bitch.
- Oh, hi, Johnny.
80
00:03:57,362 --> 00:03:58,279
{\an8}Come on in.
81
00:04:02,200 --> 00:04:03,910
{\an8}- I'll be watching you tonight
in my living room.
82
00:04:03,993 --> 00:04:05,995
{\an8}- I like the sound of that.
83
00:04:06,121 --> 00:04:09,290
{\an8}The documentary about us
starts airing tonight.
84
00:04:09,416 --> 00:04:11,376
{\an8}I'd better come out of this
smelling like a rose.
85
00:04:11,501 --> 00:04:14,212
{\an8}I've been on my best behavior
for nine years.
86
00:04:14,295 --> 00:04:15,463
{\an8}Wasn't for the cameras,
87
00:04:15,547 --> 00:04:17,757
{\an8}I would've done
some truly vulgar crap.
88
00:04:21,219 --> 00:04:22,595
{\an8}- Go get 'em, honey.
89
00:04:22,637 --> 00:04:24,597
{\an8}- Oh, don't worry.
They'll get got.
90
00:04:24,764 --> 00:04:26,099
{\an8}[laughs]
91
00:04:26,141 --> 00:04:27,392
{\an8}Manager of Dunder Mifflin?
Check!
92
00:04:27,475 --> 00:04:29,978
{\an8}Owner of a 1,600-acre
beet farm? Check!
93
00:04:30,061 --> 00:04:32,939
{\an8}Engaged to be married
to an actual milkmaid?
94
00:04:33,023 --> 00:04:36,901
{\an8}Check... on that later today.
95
00:04:37,027 --> 00:04:41,114
{\an8}This is
my grandmother's ring.
96
00:04:41,239 --> 00:04:43,533
{\an8}It was made from a bullet
I took out of her left buttock.
97
00:04:43,616 --> 00:04:46,369
{\an8}She was a moonshiner
shot by Adolph Coors.
98
00:04:46,453 --> 00:04:49,122
{\an8}This is my grandmother's
buttock bullet ring.
99
00:04:49,247 --> 00:04:50,999
[indistinct chatter]
100
00:04:51,082 --> 00:04:52,417
- Hi. Good morning.
101
00:04:52,459 --> 00:04:54,252
Name is Andrew Bernard.
102
00:04:54,377 --> 00:04:56,921
You might know me
from a TV documentary
103
00:04:56,963 --> 00:04:58,965
that's premiering tonight.
104
00:04:59,049 --> 00:05:01,259
Also killed it
in local theater,
105
00:05:01,384 --> 00:05:04,721
and I am fresh off of
a hot industrial flick.
106
00:05:04,763 --> 00:05:06,598
- Okay.
Thanks.
107
00:05:06,681 --> 00:05:07,515
Go ahead and get
in the back of the line.
108
00:05:07,557 --> 00:05:10,060
- Yes!
109
00:05:10,101 --> 00:05:12,771
[indistinct chatter]
110
00:05:15,857 --> 00:05:18,026
Well, I burned all my bridges
at Dunder Mifflin,
111
00:05:18,109 --> 00:05:20,737
and time to become
the next American idol
112
00:05:20,779 --> 00:05:24,115
by winning "America's
Next A Cappella Sensation"
113
00:05:24,199 --> 00:05:26,534
on channel TBD.
114
00:05:26,659 --> 00:05:27,535
It's a really cool show.
115
00:05:27,660 --> 00:05:29,204
It's like a total reinvention
116
00:05:29,329 --> 00:05:32,332
of the whole "American Idol,"
"Voice" sing-off phenomenon.
117
00:05:32,457 --> 00:05:37,587
On this show,
all three judges are mean.
118
00:05:37,671 --> 00:05:39,881
- Sales form for you to sign.
119
00:05:39,964 --> 00:05:40,882
- You know what to do.
120
00:05:53,853 --> 00:05:54,896
- Okay.
121
00:05:54,979 --> 00:05:56,398
Behind every great
regional manager
122
00:05:56,439 --> 00:05:58,191
is a great assistant
to the regional manager,
123
00:05:58,233 --> 00:05:59,651
and I have chosen
one of the best.
124
00:05:59,734 --> 00:06:01,236
- Aw, thanks, man.
125
00:06:01,277 --> 00:06:02,737
- Once upon a time,
we were natural enemies,
126
00:06:02,821 --> 00:06:04,364
but we've overcome
our differences,
127
00:06:04,531 --> 00:06:05,865
much like Germany and Italy
in World War--
128
00:06:06,032 --> 00:06:07,909
- No.
129
00:06:07,992 --> 00:06:09,160
- Good call.
130
00:06:09,244 --> 00:06:10,912
Together, we run
a no-nonsense office.
131
00:06:22,757 --> 00:06:24,843
- Pre-conference room meeting
with Dwight went really well.
132
00:06:24,926 --> 00:06:26,761
- Oh. Bodes well for the
post-conference room meeting.
133
00:06:26,928 --> 00:06:28,638
- All depends on the conference
room meeting itself.
134
00:06:28,680 --> 00:06:30,807
[phone ringing]
135
00:06:30,890 --> 00:06:33,226
Uh, okay.
136
00:06:33,309 --> 00:06:35,270
- Is that them again?
- Yeah.
137
00:06:35,353 --> 00:06:37,772
- Maybe you should
call 'em back.
138
00:06:37,856 --> 00:06:42,569
- I will.
I will.
139
00:06:42,694 --> 00:06:44,404
The guys at Athlead
are still bugging me
140
00:06:44,446 --> 00:06:46,448
about this three-month
road show thing.
141
00:06:46,531 --> 00:06:47,949
Meeting athletes
on their home turf,
142
00:06:48,074 --> 00:06:49,325
building relationships.
143
00:06:49,451 --> 00:06:50,910
Yeah, it sounds exciting.
144
00:06:50,952 --> 00:06:54,372
But I said no,
and that's final.
145
00:06:54,456 --> 00:06:56,416
I almost lost Pam
over this business.
146
00:06:56,499 --> 00:06:59,419
I'm not risking that again.
147
00:06:59,502 --> 00:07:01,338
- When Jim decided to come back
to Scranton full-time,
148
00:07:01,379 --> 00:07:06,343
I was relieved, but I also
feel a little guilty.
149
00:07:06,426 --> 00:07:09,846
I mean, he's giving up
this big thing for me.
150
00:07:09,888 --> 00:07:11,681
But he seems happy.
151
00:07:11,723 --> 00:07:14,142
I mean, he's certainly been
goofing around a lot.
152
00:07:14,309 --> 00:07:16,227
I love goofy Jim.
153
00:07:16,311 --> 00:07:18,355
- Welcome.
- He welcomes you.
154
00:07:18,438 --> 00:07:19,814
- Please take an agenda item.
155
00:07:19,898 --> 00:07:21,274
- Your agenda-taking
pleases him.
156
00:07:21,316 --> 00:07:23,860
- Have a seat, Phyllis.
There we go.
157
00:07:23,943 --> 00:07:25,653
As you know,
I like to begin each day
158
00:07:25,737 --> 00:07:27,113
with an inspirational quote.
159
00:07:27,155 --> 00:07:29,407
"Some say the only failure
there is
160
00:07:29,491 --> 00:07:31,826
is the failure to try."
161
00:07:31,910 --> 00:07:33,328
[imitates buzzer]
"That is wrong.
162
00:07:33,411 --> 00:07:35,663
Failure of any kind
is failure."
163
00:07:35,830 --> 00:07:36,998
Jim, over to you.
164
00:07:37,123 --> 00:07:38,333
- Let's not get crazy
165
00:07:38,375 --> 00:07:40,794
and ruin our no-nonsense
streak, all right?
166
00:07:40,919 --> 00:07:42,837
So for instance, if you're
expecting a fax today,
167
00:07:42,962 --> 00:07:44,297
please don't yell out,
168
00:07:44,381 --> 00:07:47,008
"Michael J. Fax
from Fax to the Future!"
169
00:07:47,092 --> 00:07:49,135
Okay? That's nonsense.
- Question.
170
00:07:49,177 --> 00:07:51,262
- Yes, beautiful girl
in the front.
171
00:07:51,388 --> 00:07:54,349
- We are expecting a water
delivery today at 10:00 a.m.
172
00:07:54,391 --> 00:07:56,518
What if, as they're
delivering the water jugs,
173
00:07:56,601 --> 00:07:58,478
someone screams out,
"Nice jugs!"
174
00:07:58,561 --> 00:08:00,563
- That's obviously nonsense.
175
00:08:00,689 --> 00:08:01,731
Nonsense.
176
00:08:01,815 --> 00:08:03,483
And what percentage of nonsense
177
00:08:03,566 --> 00:08:05,276
do we tolerate
in this office?
178
00:08:05,443 --> 00:08:07,362
all: Zero percent.
- No nonsense.
179
00:08:07,404 --> 00:08:08,530
- None. No.
- None. Can't have nonsense.
180
00:08:08,613 --> 00:08:09,864
- What is going on?
181
00:08:09,948 --> 00:08:11,658
- Daycare won't take
Phillip anymore.
182
00:08:11,741 --> 00:08:13,076
- Why?
- [sighs]
183
00:08:13,159 --> 00:08:14,411
Apparently my station in life
184
00:08:14,494 --> 00:08:17,330
has descended to a depth
even they won't forgive.
185
00:08:17,497 --> 00:08:19,624
So hi.
186
00:08:19,708 --> 00:08:21,376
- Hi, buddy.
- Okay.
187
00:08:21,459 --> 00:08:23,878
Um, new agenda item.
188
00:08:23,920 --> 00:08:26,089
Phillip will be joining us
at the office today.
189
00:08:26,172 --> 00:08:27,257
- Gotta write that down.
190
00:08:27,298 --> 00:08:29,175
Okay, big day today.
191
00:08:29,300 --> 00:08:31,011
Airing of the documentary.
Who's excited?
192
00:08:32,721 --> 00:08:33,972
- Over the course
of this documentary,
193
00:08:34,055 --> 00:08:35,515
I've had three affairs.
194
00:08:35,557 --> 00:08:37,600
If you find my body in a ditch,
195
00:08:37,726 --> 00:08:39,436
let me save the police
some trouble.
196
00:08:39,477 --> 00:08:41,271
My wife did it.
197
00:08:41,396 --> 00:08:42,605
- We just don't know
how many people
198
00:08:42,689 --> 00:08:43,815
are gonna be watching tonight.
199
00:08:43,857 --> 00:08:46,443
It could be thousands.
200
00:08:46,526 --> 00:08:48,903
It could be millions.
201
00:08:48,987 --> 00:08:51,948
What if word reaches China?
202
00:08:52,032 --> 00:08:56,494
They are very judgmental
over there.
203
00:08:56,536 --> 00:08:58,830
So don't air that bit.
204
00:08:58,913 --> 00:09:00,540
- I'm not sure I'll even watch,
205
00:09:00,665 --> 00:09:02,250
'cause if it wasn't
for this documentary
206
00:09:02,375 --> 00:09:04,794
outing my secretly gay
ex-husband,
207
00:09:04,878 --> 00:09:08,298
I would still be in
a fairy-tale marriage.
208
00:09:08,381 --> 00:09:10,383
- I'm letting you all off
half an hour early
209
00:09:10,508 --> 00:09:12,385
to view the documentary,
so you can make it up to me
210
00:09:12,552 --> 00:09:14,804
by working an extra
half an hour tomorrow
211
00:09:14,888 --> 00:09:16,639
or a minute extra
for the rest of the month.
212
00:09:16,765 --> 00:09:18,099
- Ooh!
Announcement.
213
00:09:18,141 --> 00:09:20,352
Some of us whose televisions
got broken
214
00:09:20,477 --> 00:09:22,604
during an all-you-can-eat
shrimp commercial
215
00:09:22,687 --> 00:09:24,939
will be watching tonight
at Poor Richard's.
216
00:09:25,023 --> 00:09:28,985
But note, all are welcome,
not just those
217
00:09:29,069 --> 00:09:31,154
who saw an all-you-can-eat
shrimp commercial
218
00:09:31,237 --> 00:09:33,740
and charged their televisions.
219
00:09:33,823 --> 00:09:36,618
- I can't believe the doc
is finally going to air.
220
00:09:36,743 --> 00:09:38,119
When this thing started,
221
00:09:38,203 --> 00:09:40,455
I was still having sex
with women.
222
00:09:40,580 --> 00:09:42,749
As was Kevin, I believe.
223
00:09:42,874 --> 00:09:44,668
- This airs tonight?
224
00:09:44,709 --> 00:09:46,836
Oh, my God.
225
00:09:46,961 --> 00:09:50,799
If my parents see this,
I am toast.
226
00:09:50,840 --> 00:09:52,342
- What if we come off
looking stupid?
227
00:09:52,425 --> 00:09:54,594
I mean, we don't even know
what they're gonna air.
228
00:09:54,636 --> 00:09:56,471
- Right?
We could look like idiots.
229
00:09:56,513 --> 00:09:58,181
- Guys, do you think
we're gonna be hounded
230
00:09:58,264 --> 00:10:00,016
by the paparoni?
231
00:10:00,100 --> 00:10:01,810
- One things for sure,
life will never be the same.
232
00:10:01,935 --> 00:10:03,561
- Wait, wait, wait,
hey, Oscar, hey,
233
00:10:03,645 --> 00:10:06,106
hey, hey, hey, hey, hey,
this is verging into chitchat,
234
00:10:06,272 --> 00:10:08,108
which can quickly escalate
into horseplay,
235
00:10:08,149 --> 00:10:09,526
which can veer
around the corner
236
00:10:09,651 --> 00:10:12,654
into you know what sense.
237
00:10:12,779 --> 00:10:14,155
- Nonsense.
all: Nonsense.
238
00:10:14,239 --> 00:10:15,573
- All right?
239
00:10:15,657 --> 00:10:18,159
Next item on the agenda
is the announcement
240
00:10:18,243 --> 00:10:20,495
of final agenda item, so...
241
00:10:20,662 --> 00:10:22,080
- Everybody, listen up,
here comes the announcement
242
00:10:22,205 --> 00:10:24,624
of the final agenda item.
- No, no, no.
243
00:10:24,666 --> 00:10:26,251
Final agenda item
is to announce.
244
00:10:26,376 --> 00:10:28,461
That is the final agenda item,
so there it is.
245
00:10:28,545 --> 00:10:30,380
- Everybody, listen up,
here it comes.
246
00:10:30,505 --> 00:10:32,507
- No, this is what--
I did it.
247
00:10:32,549 --> 00:10:34,175
It's done already.
- What's yours say?
248
00:10:34,259 --> 00:10:35,635
- Announcement of
final agenda item.
249
00:10:35,719 --> 00:10:37,137
- Which is coming right now.
250
00:10:37,262 --> 00:10:38,763
- I already announced it,
like, five minutes ago!
251
00:10:38,805 --> 00:10:40,348
- Serve it like it's hot.
252
00:10:40,473 --> 00:10:41,808
- Okay.
This meeting is adjourned.
253
00:10:41,891 --> 00:10:43,852
There are
no more announcements.
254
00:10:43,977 --> 00:10:46,229
This is the final agenda item.
255
00:10:46,354 --> 00:10:48,023
- After you announce it.
- Oh, my God.
256
00:10:49,899 --> 00:10:51,151
- Good job today, everybody.
257
00:10:51,317 --> 00:10:52,318
- Yay.
258
00:10:52,402 --> 00:10:53,987
[applause]
259
00:10:57,782 --> 00:10:58,867
[indistinct chatter]
260
00:10:58,950 --> 00:11:00,702
- This is really huge.
261
00:11:00,785 --> 00:11:02,078
This is like
the March on Washington,
262
00:11:02,203 --> 00:11:03,872
but for a singing show.
- Whoo-hoo!
263
00:11:03,955 --> 00:11:05,623
- Can you imagine if
Martin Luther King were here
264
00:11:05,707 --> 00:11:07,959
and sang "I Dreamed a Dream"
from "Les Mis"?
265
00:11:08,043 --> 00:11:10,628
With that baritone?
That would be historic.
266
00:11:10,754 --> 00:11:13,173
- Whoo-hoo! Casey Dean!
Cincinnati, Ohio!
267
00:11:13,256 --> 00:11:14,507
- Whoa.
- ? Doctor, doctor ?
268
00:11:14,632 --> 00:11:15,842
? Gimme the news ?
269
00:11:15,884 --> 00:11:18,219
? I got a great Casey Dean
for you ?
270
00:11:18,345 --> 00:11:20,221
- No.
- America wants it!
271
00:11:20,305 --> 00:11:22,515
- No, this is my time.
You don't belt on my time.
272
00:11:22,599 --> 00:11:25,769
I belt on my time.
- ? Casey Deee-eee-eeean ?
273
00:11:25,852 --> 00:11:26,770
- ? Casey ?
274
00:11:26,895 --> 00:11:32,776
? De-ee-ee-ee-ee-ean ?
275
00:11:32,859 --> 00:11:34,110
- Man, those are
some nice pipes!
276
00:11:34,235 --> 00:11:36,863
- Yeah.
- What's your name?
277
00:11:36,946 --> 00:11:40,158
- Andy.
What's yours?
278
00:11:41,117 --> 00:11:42,494
- Why didn't you pack
the apple snacks?
279
00:11:42,619 --> 00:11:44,496
- Why didn't you
pack the apple snacks?
280
00:11:44,579 --> 00:11:45,747
- Guys.
281
00:11:45,830 --> 00:11:47,165
- Because whenever
I pack the bag,
282
00:11:47,207 --> 00:11:48,541
you say I do it wrong.
283
00:11:48,583 --> 00:11:49,542
- Guys.
- Why don't you pack it?
284
00:11:49,626 --> 00:11:50,627
- Guys.
- Kevin, what?
285
00:11:50,669 --> 00:11:51,753
- Kevin, what is it?
286
00:11:51,836 --> 00:11:52,879
- Do you want to see a video
287
00:11:52,962 --> 00:11:55,632
of a weatherman
who says "bold front"
288
00:11:55,715 --> 00:11:58,510
instead of "cold front"?
It's insane.
289
00:11:58,635 --> 00:12:00,720
- Not now, Kevin.
Can't you see we're busy?
290
00:12:00,804 --> 00:12:02,806
Phillip needs
his apple snacks.
291
00:12:02,847 --> 00:12:04,391
- Seriously, Kevin.
292
00:12:04,474 --> 00:12:05,725
I'm just gonna have to go
to the store.
293
00:12:05,809 --> 00:12:06,685
- Okay, you go to the store.
294
00:12:06,726 --> 00:12:08,937
- Phillip, Phillip,
Phillip.
295
00:12:09,062 --> 00:12:11,147
It's all about Phillip.
296
00:12:11,189 --> 00:12:14,109
I hate Phillip.
297
00:12:15,694 --> 00:12:16,611
[door clicks]
298
00:12:16,695 --> 00:12:18,029
- Not now!
Private time!
299
00:12:18,113 --> 00:12:19,406
- I love "Star Wars"
as much as the next guy--
300
00:12:19,489 --> 00:12:22,033
- Hey, hey.
Seriously?
301
00:12:24,744 --> 00:12:26,913
- My God, I'm so sorry.
302
00:12:28,498 --> 00:12:29,958
Well, this might
make up for it.
303
00:12:30,000 --> 00:12:32,419
I think I have found
an enormous source
304
00:12:32,502 --> 00:12:34,546
of overlooked PFN.
305
00:12:34,629 --> 00:12:36,131
- Which is, of course...?
306
00:12:36,214 --> 00:12:37,590
- Potential future nonsense.
307
00:12:37,632 --> 00:12:39,551
- Yes.
Good abbreviating, Jim.
308
00:12:39,634 --> 00:12:41,428
That saved some time.
Now, hurry up. Shut the door.
309
00:12:43,054 --> 00:12:44,681
- [sighs]
- Break it down for me.
310
00:12:44,723 --> 00:12:45,724
- I'm gonna need you
311
00:12:45,890 --> 00:12:48,018
to look at
your hierarchy mobile.
312
00:12:48,101 --> 00:12:50,645
You've got a regional manager.
- The power source.
313
00:12:50,729 --> 00:12:52,772
- Obviously, the assistant
to the regional manager.
314
00:12:52,814 --> 00:12:54,357
- A loyal
but bungling apostle.
315
00:12:54,399 --> 00:12:55,692
- But what about the
316
00:12:55,775 --> 00:12:58,445
assistant assistant
to the regional manager?
317
00:13:03,491 --> 00:13:05,493
- Someone to whisper in the ear
of the consigliore.
318
00:13:05,535 --> 00:13:07,037
- Exactly.
319
00:13:07,120 --> 00:13:09,873
- I'd have to get
some more wire and string.
320
00:13:09,956 --> 00:13:11,207
But it's doable.
321
00:13:11,291 --> 00:13:13,126
Do you think any of them
out there are capable?
322
00:13:13,209 --> 00:13:14,502
- [scoffs]
Yeah, right.
323
00:13:14,627 --> 00:13:16,629
I mean, unless they're
willing to pass some tests.
324
00:13:16,713 --> 00:13:18,757
- I like the sound of that.
325
00:13:18,798 --> 00:13:20,175
Who did you have in mind?
326
00:13:20,258 --> 00:13:21,509
- Well, I know
this sounds crazy,
327
00:13:21,593 --> 00:13:22,635
but how would
King Arthur choose
328
00:13:22,677 --> 00:13:25,805
the next knight
of his round table?
329
00:13:25,847 --> 00:13:28,099
- That doesn't sound crazy,
Jim.
330
00:13:28,224 --> 00:13:29,976
That's the sanest thing
I've ever heard.
331
00:13:32,228 --> 00:13:33,355
- What are you listening to?
332
00:13:33,396 --> 00:13:35,440
- Hmm? Um, uh, locking in
my starting note.
333
00:13:35,565 --> 00:13:37,692
? A 440 ?
334
00:13:37,776 --> 00:13:38,860
- Oh, sweet.
335
00:13:38,943 --> 00:13:39,903
- A cappella
is all about pitch,
336
00:13:39,944 --> 00:13:41,196
and I am nothing
337
00:13:41,237 --> 00:13:43,531
if not a total pitch bitch.
- [laughs]
338
00:13:43,656 --> 00:13:44,949
- What's up, everybody?
339
00:13:45,033 --> 00:13:48,536
And welcome to "America's
Next A Cappella Sensation!"
340
00:13:48,661 --> 00:13:51,122
[cheers and applause]
341
00:13:51,206 --> 00:13:53,291
- Oh, my God!
You're gorgeous!
342
00:13:53,416 --> 00:13:54,876
- Thank you.
Thank you so much.
343
00:13:54,959 --> 00:13:56,002
And thank you
for your patience.
344
00:13:56,086 --> 00:13:57,170
And we hope to see you guys
345
00:13:57,212 --> 00:13:59,005
within the next five
to seven hours.
346
00:13:59,089 --> 00:14:01,800
Now, just to give you a couple
parameters of the show,
347
00:14:01,883 --> 00:14:04,427
each of you will sing a song
for 30 seconds,
348
00:14:04,511 --> 00:14:06,471
after which our judges
will decide
349
00:14:06,596 --> 00:14:09,057
if they want you
in their a cappella group.
350
00:14:09,140 --> 00:14:12,018
Now, bear in mind,
our judges have no experience
351
00:14:12,143 --> 00:14:14,646
whatsoever actually
leading an a capella group.
352
00:14:14,729 --> 00:14:15,897
[doubtful murmurs]
353
00:14:15,980 --> 00:14:19,025
- Hey, hey,
let Mark McGrath talk!
354
00:14:19,067 --> 00:14:20,777
Go ahead, Mark.
- Thank you, sir.
355
00:14:20,860 --> 00:14:22,987
Now, each group will start
with 90 singers
356
00:14:23,029 --> 00:14:24,239
which will compete in a series
357
00:14:24,322 --> 00:14:26,574
of singing
and physical challenges.
358
00:14:26,658 --> 00:14:29,452
Oh, and look out
for that pesky mole!
359
00:14:29,494 --> 00:14:30,453
[crowd murmuring]
360
00:14:30,495 --> 00:14:31,538
- There's a mole?
361
00:14:31,621 --> 00:14:34,416
- Oops.
I'm not supposed to--
362
00:14:34,541 --> 00:14:35,375
not supposed to say that.
363
00:14:35,500 --> 00:14:36,418
All right.
No mole.
364
00:14:36,543 --> 00:14:37,711
Forget I said it,
all right?
365
00:14:37,836 --> 00:14:39,045
- What mole?
What are you talking about?
366
00:14:39,129 --> 00:14:40,338
I already forgot about it.
367
00:14:40,380 --> 00:14:41,881
- Good man right there.
368
00:14:41,965 --> 00:14:44,175
I'll see you guys inside.
Good luck, all right?
369
00:14:44,259 --> 00:14:45,301
- Yeah!
370
00:14:45,468 --> 00:14:47,053
Pour some Sugar Ray on me!
371
00:14:47,178 --> 00:14:49,139
- What?
On a roll much?
372
00:14:49,222 --> 00:14:50,223
- I don't know
where it came from.
373
00:14:50,265 --> 00:14:51,433
- That was amazing, man!
- Yeah.
374
00:14:51,516 --> 00:14:52,809
Yeah, it felt good.
It felt funny.
375
00:14:52,851 --> 00:14:54,394
- Yeah, you made a personal
connection with him.
376
00:14:54,436 --> 00:14:56,229
- I did. I felt it.
- Big time.
377
00:14:56,354 --> 00:14:58,314
- Wow, I gotta harness
that energy for the judges.
378
00:14:58,398 --> 00:15:00,442
- Yeah, and the mole.
379
00:15:00,608 --> 00:15:02,861
- Casey, we're not supposed
to know about the mole.
380
00:15:02,944 --> 00:15:05,655
- Ugh, damn it, get your head
in the game, Casey Dean!
381
00:15:05,739 --> 00:15:07,365
Come on!
- Yeah, just focus.
382
00:15:07,407 --> 00:15:08,658
- Amateur hour!
- Relax.
383
00:15:08,783 --> 00:15:09,951
- [sighs]
384
00:15:10,035 --> 00:15:11,786
Ah, I just pulled something,
I think.
385
00:15:15,248 --> 00:15:17,959
- [sighs]
386
00:15:18,084 --> 00:15:21,421
Big night tonight.
- Yeah.
387
00:15:21,504 --> 00:15:23,173
- Yeah.
- Sorry, I can't chat.
388
00:15:23,214 --> 00:15:24,466
I'm working.
389
00:15:24,549 --> 00:15:25,967
- Want to go to
Poor Richard's tonight?
390
00:15:26,092 --> 00:15:28,720
Check out the prog... ram.
391
00:15:28,803 --> 00:15:31,556
- Yeah. Everyone's going.
Aren't they?
392
00:15:31,681 --> 00:15:34,976
- I meant, uh,
would you like to come with me?
393
00:15:35,060 --> 00:15:37,771
It could be a date.
394
00:15:37,854 --> 00:15:40,148
Or it could be
less than a date.
395
00:15:40,190 --> 00:15:45,445
I mean, just we'd know
that I asked you there.
396
00:15:45,570 --> 00:15:48,114
Or it would just be a thing
in our heads, really.
397
00:15:48,198 --> 00:15:50,867
- No, I don't want to go
with you.
398
00:15:50,950 --> 00:15:53,661
- Sitting near--
399
00:15:56,414 --> 00:15:59,501
I--I figured
it wouldn't hurt to ask.
400
00:16:01,586 --> 00:16:03,505
I was wrong.
401
00:16:10,345 --> 00:16:11,805
- What are you
so excited about?
402
00:16:11,846 --> 00:16:13,973
- Nothing.
- What are you up to?
403
00:16:15,141 --> 00:16:16,518
[laughs]
404
00:16:18,019 --> 00:16:20,438
- Members of the office,
hear ye.
405
00:16:20,480 --> 00:16:21,773
- That means ye, Plop.
406
00:16:21,856 --> 00:16:24,067
- "Plop"?
Still?
407
00:16:24,150 --> 00:16:25,985
- We owe Andy that much.
408
00:16:26,027 --> 00:16:27,404
- Yeah.
- Absolutely, we do.
409
00:16:27,487 --> 00:16:29,572
- Am I right, people?
410
00:16:29,656 --> 00:16:30,865
- Fine.
411
00:16:30,907 --> 00:16:32,784
- Today, we will be
testing candidates
412
00:16:32,826 --> 00:16:34,828
for the position of assistant
413
00:16:34,869 --> 00:16:36,705
to the assistant
to the regional manager.
414
00:16:36,788 --> 00:16:38,206
- Aw, heck, yeah.
- Nice.
415
00:16:38,289 --> 00:16:40,166
- You'll always have
the upper hand
416
00:16:40,250 --> 00:16:43,169
when you've got
a good "aarm."
417
00:16:43,253 --> 00:16:44,337
Trademark pending.
418
00:16:44,421 --> 00:16:46,631
- This is not an excuse
to blow off work
419
00:16:46,715 --> 00:16:48,299
doing carnival-like activities.
420
00:16:48,383 --> 00:16:50,719
Sure, every participant
will be getting a corn dog,
421
00:16:50,802 --> 00:16:53,304
but that's for fueling only.
No savoring.
422
00:16:53,388 --> 00:16:54,597
- Wow.
What an honor.
423
00:16:54,723 --> 00:16:57,142
God, I envy them.
- He envies you.
424
00:16:57,267 --> 00:16:58,518
- You don't need to repeat
right now...
425
00:16:58,601 --> 00:16:59,769
- All right.
- What I'm saying.
426
00:16:59,894 --> 00:17:02,147
- By 2:00,
Dwight will choose himself
427
00:17:02,272 --> 00:17:04,899
to be assistant
to his own assistant, me.
428
00:17:13,783 --> 00:17:14,909
- What's up?
- What's going on?
429
00:17:15,035 --> 00:17:16,369
How was the delivery?
430
00:17:16,453 --> 00:17:17,871
- Delivered all my furniture
to Philly.
431
00:17:17,954 --> 00:17:19,414
Hey, keep it down, though.
432
00:17:19,497 --> 00:17:21,416
Nobody knows I'm here.
433
00:17:21,541 --> 00:17:24,044
I hate good-byes,
so last week,
434
00:17:24,127 --> 00:17:25,545
when I left
Dunder Mifflin for good,
435
00:17:25,670 --> 00:17:27,380
I pulled the old Irish exit.
436
00:17:27,464 --> 00:17:29,257
Just slipped out
with making a big deal.
437
00:17:29,382 --> 00:17:32,302
No hard feelings.
No feelings at all.
438
00:17:32,427 --> 00:17:34,512
[sighs]
439
00:17:34,596 --> 00:17:37,849
- A good assistant knows
what their superior is thinking
440
00:17:37,974 --> 00:17:39,434
before they even think it.
441
00:17:39,559 --> 00:17:41,269
Meredith, what number
am I thinking of right now?
442
00:17:41,311 --> 00:17:43,271
- Uh, two.
443
00:17:43,355 --> 00:17:46,107
- 985,000,000,000,017.
444
00:17:46,191 --> 00:17:47,650
- [scoffs]
Not even close, Meredith.
445
00:17:47,734 --> 00:17:49,152
Come on!
- Okay. Pam.
446
00:17:49,277 --> 00:17:51,363
What song is running through
my head right now?
447
00:17:51,446 --> 00:17:52,781
- The theme song
from "Saved by the Bell."
448
00:17:52,906 --> 00:17:54,324
- Oh, my God!
449
00:17:54,407 --> 00:17:55,575
It was the theme song
to "Boy Meets World."
450
00:17:55,700 --> 00:17:56,701
- Wait.
No, no, no, stop.
451
00:17:56,743 --> 00:17:57,744
Spouses can read
each other's minds.
452
00:17:57,786 --> 00:18:00,372
You're trying to
give your wife this job.
453
00:18:00,497 --> 00:18:02,290
- That's exactly
what I was doing.
454
00:18:02,374 --> 00:18:04,292
Plop, what animal
am I picturing?
455
00:18:04,334 --> 00:18:05,502
- A horse.
456
00:18:05,585 --> 00:18:07,128
- Ooh, the exact opposite, actually.
457
00:18:07,253 --> 00:18:08,797
- What's the opposite
of a horse?
458
00:18:08,880 --> 00:18:09,756
- Come on.
- A seahorse.
459
00:18:09,881 --> 00:18:11,675
- Seahorse.
460
00:18:11,758 --> 00:18:15,345
Whoa, how did you know
that I was gonna...
461
00:18:15,470 --> 00:18:18,139
both: Say that?
462
00:18:18,264 --> 00:18:19,599
both: Uncanny.
463
00:18:21,226 --> 00:18:22,560
- Challenge number two, protocol.
464
00:18:22,686 --> 00:18:23,853
Clark!
- Yeah.
465
00:18:23,978 --> 00:18:25,730
- Do you want a corn dog?
466
00:18:25,814 --> 00:18:27,941
- I would love a corn dog.
- We'll see.
467
00:18:28,024 --> 00:18:30,527
You are an assistant who's
just gotten a phone message.
468
00:18:30,610 --> 00:18:33,738
I am in a meeting with Dwight,
Robert Dunder, and his niece.
469
00:18:33,863 --> 00:18:35,490
Uh-oh,
look who came to join us.
470
00:18:35,615 --> 00:18:37,742
The Turkish ambassador
to Armenia,
471
00:18:37,784 --> 00:18:39,327
Yuri Slovak,
who, by the way,
472
00:18:39,411 --> 00:18:40,787
is extremely embarrassed
about the size of his nose.
473
00:18:40,829 --> 00:18:43,707
Go ahead and read
that phone message.
474
00:18:43,832 --> 00:18:45,583
- "Mr. Halpert,
your wife called to find out
475
00:18:45,709 --> 00:18:47,544
how your meeting
with Yuri Big-Nose went."
476
00:18:47,669 --> 00:18:48,837
- No, no, no, no!
477
00:18:48,962 --> 00:18:51,006
You don't read it aloud
like that!
478
00:18:51,047 --> 00:18:52,507
God!
479
00:18:52,632 --> 00:18:53,717
Besides, the whole thing
is a trick question.
480
00:18:53,800 --> 00:18:56,011
There's no Turkish ambassador
to Armenia.
481
00:18:56,094 --> 00:18:58,346
The two countries don't have
diplomatic relations.
482
00:18:58,471 --> 00:19:00,682
[scoffs]
483
00:19:00,724 --> 00:19:03,184
- Uncanny.
484
00:19:03,268 --> 00:19:04,686
- I just hope that
if my buddies
485
00:19:04,728 --> 00:19:06,604
who are still in Afghanistan
see me win,
486
00:19:06,730 --> 00:19:08,857
they'll feel like
anything is possible.
487
00:19:08,898 --> 00:19:10,358
- Great. More screen time
for the war vet.
488
00:19:10,400 --> 00:19:11,943
- [scoffs]
489
00:19:12,027 --> 00:19:13,486
- All you gotta do is
risk your life for this country
490
00:19:13,528 --> 00:19:15,071
and everyone goes gaga for you.
491
00:19:15,113 --> 00:19:16,364
- Oh, over at
the porta-potties,
492
00:19:16,406 --> 00:19:17,866
they were interviewing
a homeless, single mother
493
00:19:17,991 --> 00:19:19,284
with three kids.
494
00:19:19,409 --> 00:19:21,703
- What?
- Yeah.
495
00:19:21,786 --> 00:19:26,082
- Is this a show about the
resiliency of the human spirit
496
00:19:26,166 --> 00:19:28,084
or is it a show about singing?
497
00:19:28,209 --> 00:19:29,919
- I don't know, but I'm getting
really worried here.
498
00:19:30,045 --> 00:19:32,464
- Me too.
499
00:19:32,505 --> 00:19:33,631
Hold my place in line.
500
00:19:33,673 --> 00:19:35,800
- Where are you going?
501
00:19:35,884 --> 00:19:39,137
- They want
feel-good stories?
502
00:19:39,220 --> 00:19:40,722
Wait till they get
a good feel of me.
503
00:19:42,682 --> 00:19:44,476
- Thanks, man.
- Thank you.
504
00:19:44,601 --> 00:19:46,102
- Yep.
Take care.
505
00:19:46,186 --> 00:19:49,147
- Darryl, hey.
- Hey.
506
00:19:49,230 --> 00:19:50,523
- Cool. Are you coming back
to say hi?
507
00:19:50,648 --> 00:19:53,193
- No, no.
I'm not here, actually.
508
00:19:53,276 --> 00:19:54,652
These doughnuts
are part of my escape
509
00:19:54,736 --> 00:19:56,738
from the guys at the warehouse
I didn't say goodbye to.
510
00:19:56,821 --> 00:20:00,075
- Aha. How's Athlead?
- We livin' like rock stars.
511
00:20:00,158 --> 00:20:02,827
I'm about to eat free steak
with my sports heroes
512
00:20:02,911 --> 00:20:04,913
in 32 different cities.
- Wow.
513
00:20:04,996 --> 00:20:06,164
- Jim really
doesn't want to come?
514
00:20:06,206 --> 00:20:09,000
- He says he doesn't want to.
- Wow. Man.
515
00:20:09,125 --> 00:20:11,002
Hope he doesn't regret it.
516
00:20:11,044 --> 00:20:12,420
- Well, he seems
really happy
517
00:20:12,504 --> 00:20:13,296
being back here
at Dunder Mifflin.
518
00:20:13,421 --> 00:20:14,881
- [laughs]
519
00:20:15,006 --> 00:20:17,092
Jim is happy here, selling
paper at Dunder Mifflin?
520
00:20:17,217 --> 00:20:18,468
- That's what he says.
521
00:20:18,551 --> 00:20:20,595
- Psh.
If you say so.
522
00:20:20,720 --> 00:20:21,763
Hey, good seeing you.
523
00:20:21,846 --> 00:20:24,140
Remember, I was never here.
524
00:20:24,224 --> 00:20:26,601
All right, then.
[door clicks]
525
00:20:26,726 --> 00:20:28,353
- An assistant
brings their boss coffee
526
00:20:28,395 --> 00:20:29,979
with speed and dexterity,
527
00:20:30,063 --> 00:20:32,107
but an assistant
to the assistant
528
00:20:32,148 --> 00:20:33,274
has a thousand times more
to prove, am I right?
529
00:20:33,400 --> 00:20:35,235
- A thousand times more.
530
00:20:35,276 --> 00:20:37,070
- I'll try this one.
- Phyllis.
531
00:20:37,153 --> 00:20:38,947
Grab both these coffees,
double fist it,
532
00:20:39,072 --> 00:20:39,948
and head through
this obstacle course.
533
00:20:40,031 --> 00:20:41,783
- Okay. Ooh, it's hot.
534
00:20:41,866 --> 00:20:44,369
- Yeah.
It's real.
535
00:20:44,452 --> 00:20:46,287
It's the only way
you'll learn. Okay.
536
00:20:46,413 --> 00:20:49,666
And go ahead.
537
00:20:49,708 --> 00:20:51,918
Oh, God, nice.
538
00:20:52,043 --> 00:20:53,378
She's through the green, everybody.
539
00:20:53,420 --> 00:20:54,754
Here comes yellow.
- No, no, no, no.
540
00:20:54,879 --> 00:20:55,880
- Real doozy.
- Oh, boy.
541
00:20:55,922 --> 00:20:57,799
- Phyllis, seriously?
542
00:20:57,882 --> 00:20:59,050
- Look at that form.
543
00:20:59,134 --> 00:21:00,135
- Oh, my God,
that's just pathetic!
544
00:21:00,218 --> 00:21:01,970
The boss needs his coffee!
- [gasps]
545
00:21:02,053 --> 00:21:03,888
- Wow.
- [grunts]
546
00:21:03,930 --> 00:21:07,684
[splattering and gasping]
547
00:21:07,767 --> 00:21:08,893
[gasps]
548
00:21:09,019 --> 00:21:10,520
Here you are, sir!
Here's your coffee!
549
00:21:10,645 --> 00:21:12,355
Ow! My skin!
Ow! Ow!
550
00:21:12,480 --> 00:21:14,190
Ah! It burns! Ah!
551
00:21:14,274 --> 00:21:16,651
Ah! Ah!
[bell dings]
552
00:21:16,693 --> 00:21:18,445
- Uncanny.
553
00:21:18,528 --> 00:21:21,531
[applause]
554
00:21:21,573 --> 00:21:24,325
- Darryl?
Darryl!
555
00:21:24,409 --> 00:21:26,411
- Whoa.
- Oh, hey!
556
00:21:26,453 --> 00:21:28,413
Hey, what's up, y'all?
557
00:21:28,496 --> 00:21:30,457
- You left us
without saying goodbye!
558
00:21:30,540 --> 00:21:32,709
- Oh.
My bad.
559
00:21:32,751 --> 00:21:34,294
Goodbye, everybody.
560
00:21:34,336 --> 00:21:35,754
- No, that is totally uncool!
- Hey, no way!
561
00:21:35,879 --> 00:21:37,672
- Are you kidding?
562
00:21:37,797 --> 00:21:40,133
You broke our hearts.
Get upstairs.
563
00:21:40,216 --> 00:21:41,217
- I don't think I should--
564
00:21:41,343 --> 00:21:42,552
- Get upstairs, mister!
565
00:21:42,635 --> 00:21:44,512
- Yeah!
- Right now!
566
00:21:44,596 --> 00:21:46,264
- Guess I'm going upstairs.
567
00:21:46,389 --> 00:21:47,515
- You know, Dwight,
568
00:21:47,557 --> 00:21:49,392
this whole search
for the assistant thing,
569
00:21:49,476 --> 00:21:50,435
none of these people
are good enough.
570
00:21:50,518 --> 00:21:51,561
- I know.
571
00:21:51,686 --> 00:21:52,937
- What I'm about to say
572
00:21:53,063 --> 00:21:55,857
makes no logical sense,
and yet,
573
00:21:55,940 --> 00:21:57,484
it might be the most
logical thing I've ever said.
574
00:21:57,609 --> 00:21:59,319
- Jim, this is gonna come
as no surprise,
575
00:21:59,402 --> 00:22:01,654
but I know exactly
what you were gonna say.
576
00:22:01,738 --> 00:22:04,282
The only possible assistant
to my assistant...
577
00:22:04,366 --> 00:22:06,201
- Is...
578
00:22:06,326 --> 00:22:07,243
- Me.
579
00:22:07,369 --> 00:22:08,286
- [clicks tongue]
580
00:22:08,411 --> 00:22:11,915
The new assistant
to the assistant
581
00:22:11,998 --> 00:22:14,626
to the regional manager is...
582
00:22:14,751 --> 00:22:15,710
Dwight K. Schrute.
583
00:22:15,835 --> 00:22:16,711
- Yes!
584
00:22:16,836 --> 00:22:18,421
- Yes.
585
00:22:18,463 --> 00:22:19,756
- Thank you.
586
00:22:19,881 --> 00:22:21,966
- I think you might
want to kneel for this.
587
00:22:22,092 --> 00:22:23,802
And yet, the manager
for Dunder Mifflin
588
00:22:23,927 --> 00:22:25,470
kneels for no man.
589
00:22:28,723 --> 00:22:29,933
- Wait.
590
00:22:30,016 --> 00:22:31,267
- That's it.
- Okay.
591
00:22:31,351 --> 00:22:32,394
- You look really, really good.
592
00:22:32,435 --> 00:22:35,397
[applause]
593
00:22:43,279 --> 00:22:44,447
- Okay, from now on,
594
00:22:44,572 --> 00:22:46,491
anyone who needs
to speak to me
595
00:22:46,616 --> 00:22:49,452
has got to go through me
first, all right?
596
00:22:49,494 --> 00:22:52,163
[takes deep breath]
597
00:22:54,874 --> 00:22:55,917
- Hey.
598
00:22:57,043 --> 00:22:58,128
- Hey.
599
00:22:58,169 --> 00:22:59,921
- You all right?
600
00:23:01,172 --> 00:23:03,800
What's going on?
601
00:23:03,842 --> 00:23:05,010
- Are you happy?
602
00:23:05,093 --> 00:23:06,928
- Yes, I'm happy.
603
00:23:07,053 --> 00:23:09,472
- No, I know that you're,
like, happy,
604
00:23:09,556 --> 00:23:10,640
and, like,
you had fun today.
605
00:23:10,765 --> 00:23:12,100
- Yeah.
- And that was fun.
606
00:23:12,142 --> 00:23:14,602
But what about a year from now?
- What?
607
00:23:14,686 --> 00:23:15,937
- What about
five years from now?
608
00:23:16,062 --> 00:23:17,230
- Pam.
609
00:23:17,355 --> 00:23:18,440
- Because I'm so glad
you're back, baby,
610
00:23:18,565 --> 00:23:21,276
but I'm just--
I was talking to Darryl,
611
00:23:21,359 --> 00:23:23,361
and he was talking
about the trip,
612
00:23:23,445 --> 00:23:26,031
and I just feel like
you're giving up so much.
613
00:23:26,072 --> 00:23:28,700
- This was my decision,
not yours.
614
00:23:28,783 --> 00:23:29,701
- Okay.
- You didn't force me.
615
00:23:29,826 --> 00:23:30,952
- I kind of forced you
to do it.
616
00:23:31,077 --> 00:23:31,786
- You did not force me
to do this.
617
00:23:31,911 --> 00:23:33,121
- Yes, I did.
618
00:23:33,246 --> 00:23:34,164
- I don't know
how else to tell you.
619
00:23:34,247 --> 00:23:35,373
- I'm afraid you're gonna
resent me,
620
00:23:35,457 --> 00:23:36,374
and I'm afraid that...
- Resent you?
621
00:23:36,416 --> 00:23:37,751
- This is not enough for you,
622
00:23:37,792 --> 00:23:40,545
and I'm afraid that
I'm not enough for you.
623
00:23:40,670 --> 00:23:41,796
- Is that really
what you think?
624
00:23:45,383 --> 00:23:47,677
Not enough?
625
00:23:47,761 --> 00:23:49,054
I don't know how else
to explain it to her,
626
00:23:49,179 --> 00:23:51,639
so... you know what?
627
00:23:51,723 --> 00:23:53,641
I know it's against the rules,
but
628
00:23:53,767 --> 00:23:55,769
I'm gonna need a favor
from you guys.
629
00:23:55,852 --> 00:23:57,479
- Okay.
You got it, man.
630
00:24:03,860 --> 00:24:05,487
- I didn't realize
we were this close.
631
00:24:05,570 --> 00:24:07,405
- Oh, we are, buddy!
632
00:24:07,489 --> 00:24:08,948
We are this close!
633
00:24:09,074 --> 00:24:11,659
- Ooh, Erin's probably
feeling nostalgic.
634
00:24:11,743 --> 00:24:14,704
We're all a little hormonal
with the doc airing.
635
00:24:14,829 --> 00:24:15,789
- You gonna come
to Poor Richard's
636
00:24:15,872 --> 00:24:17,123
and watch with us tonight?
637
00:24:17,248 --> 00:24:20,168
- Uh... yeah.
638
00:24:20,251 --> 00:24:21,419
Depending on traffic.
639
00:24:21,503 --> 00:24:22,504
- He ain't coming.
640
00:24:22,545 --> 00:24:25,507
- Oh, God!
641
00:24:25,548 --> 00:24:28,593
- These dudes are definitely
in a weird mood.
642
00:24:28,718 --> 00:24:30,512
Picked the wrong day
to return a truck.
643
00:24:30,553 --> 00:24:33,556
Okay, I should probably be
taking off.
644
00:24:33,640 --> 00:24:35,642
- You know what really
is tearing me to pieces?
645
00:24:35,725 --> 00:24:38,520
All the years Darryl was here,
I never gave him a hug.
646
00:24:38,603 --> 00:24:39,896
- I never gave Darryl a hug.
647
00:24:40,021 --> 00:24:41,856
- I purposely avoided
hugs from Darryl
648
00:24:41,940 --> 00:24:44,192
because his cologne
is so overpowering.
649
00:24:45,360 --> 00:24:46,695
- Come here, big buddy.
650
00:24:46,820 --> 00:24:48,363
- I'm next, big buddy.
651
00:24:48,488 --> 00:24:49,489
- I could use a taste.
652
00:24:55,078 --> 00:24:56,371
- Oh, what?
653
00:24:56,454 --> 00:24:59,040
- Okay, here we go.
654
00:24:59,082 --> 00:25:02,711
"Webster's" defines begging
as the act
655
00:25:02,752 --> 00:25:06,339
of asking with earnestness
and humility...
656
00:25:06,423 --> 00:25:07,632
- Oh, God.
657
00:25:07,757 --> 00:25:10,927
- And so with earnestness
and humility,
658
00:25:11,011 --> 00:25:13,138
I, Toby, do beg you, Nellie...
659
00:25:13,263 --> 00:25:15,265
- No. Pl--
- To come with me tonight--
660
00:25:15,390 --> 00:25:18,268
- Oh, I--
look, okay, I'm gonna come.
661
00:25:18,351 --> 00:25:21,855
I'm gonna come with you
to Poor Richard's tonight.
662
00:25:21,938 --> 00:25:24,357
- Okay, okay.
- Mm, mm.
663
00:25:24,441 --> 00:25:25,400
- Okay?
- Yes.
664
00:25:25,525 --> 00:25:27,110
- All right.
- Yes.
665
00:25:27,235 --> 00:25:28,695
- Well, that's great.
That's great.
666
00:25:28,778 --> 00:25:29,612
- I know.
- Feels good.
667
00:25:29,654 --> 00:25:31,281
- Yeah.
- Okay.
668
00:25:31,364 --> 00:25:32,323
- No.
669
00:25:34,284 --> 00:25:35,660
Mm-mm.
670
00:25:35,744 --> 00:25:36,703
No.
- Okay.
671
00:25:45,045 --> 00:25:47,714
- Well, it's been great.
- 11 years.
672
00:25:47,756 --> 00:25:49,299
A guy is in your life
for 11 years,
673
00:25:49,382 --> 00:25:51,259
and then he's gone
for who knows how long.
674
00:25:51,384 --> 00:25:53,428
- Maybe forever.
Anyhow--
675
00:25:53,511 --> 00:25:55,263
- Did we ever
have lunch together,
676
00:25:55,388 --> 00:25:57,640
just--just the two of us?
677
00:25:57,724 --> 00:25:59,476
You know what,
I'm gonna make reservations
678
00:25:59,559 --> 00:26:01,644
right now at Cugino's.
679
00:26:01,686 --> 00:26:04,439
- I reserve a half an hour
to play checkers with Darryl.
680
00:26:04,522 --> 00:26:05,857
Checkers is very important
to me.
681
00:26:05,940 --> 00:26:06,983
You all know that.
682
00:26:07,067 --> 00:26:08,818
- Ooh, I got winners.
683
00:26:08,902 --> 00:26:10,111
- Question for Darryl.
684
00:26:10,195 --> 00:26:11,196
Did we ever get loaded
685
00:26:11,363 --> 00:26:12,864
and listen to Zeppelin
in my van?
686
00:26:12,906 --> 00:26:15,033
- Oh, oh, I'm sure we did.
687
00:26:15,116 --> 00:26:17,952
- Nah, I call one hour
van time with Darryl.
688
00:26:18,036 --> 00:26:19,245
- Darryl, you know,
I would love
689
00:26:19,287 --> 00:26:20,705
to just record
some of your stories,
690
00:26:20,747 --> 00:26:21,831
just let the tape roll
691
00:26:21,915 --> 00:26:23,541
for six or eight
or ten hours
692
00:26:23,583 --> 00:26:25,627
and just see what we get.
693
00:26:25,710 --> 00:26:27,045
- Listen, guys,
we can do it all.
694
00:26:27,128 --> 00:26:29,339
We just have to divide
Darryl's next 12 hours
695
00:26:29,422 --> 00:26:30,965
into 90-minute segments.
696
00:26:31,091 --> 00:26:33,426
I will go watch an eHow video
on how to use Excel,
697
00:26:33,468 --> 00:26:34,594
and then
we'll get this started.
698
00:26:34,678 --> 00:26:37,180
- Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa,
wait a minute.
699
00:26:37,263 --> 00:26:39,808
Okay, I made the mistake
of sneaking out of here,
700
00:26:39,974 --> 00:26:41,309
and that's on me,
701
00:26:41,351 --> 00:26:44,521
but I'm not gonna spend
the rest of the day here
702
00:26:44,562 --> 00:26:47,148
doing stuff with you 'cause
you're feeling sentimental.
703
00:26:47,232 --> 00:26:49,567
- You have to!
- Come on!
704
00:26:49,651 --> 00:26:52,529
- Hey, hey, hey.
I'll do one thing with y'all.
705
00:26:52,612 --> 00:26:53,780
- Which thing?
706
00:26:53,947 --> 00:26:55,198
- I don't care.
Choose amongst yourselves.
707
00:26:55,240 --> 00:26:56,157
Not the van, though.
708
00:26:59,369 --> 00:27:02,247
[rhythmic tapping]
709
00:27:02,330 --> 00:27:03,748
- Kevin, Kevin.
710
00:27:03,790 --> 00:27:06,001
- Oh, you know my name.
711
00:27:06,126 --> 00:27:07,585
Well, that is shocking.
712
00:27:07,669 --> 00:27:08,628
[rhythmic tapping]
713
00:27:08,712 --> 00:27:10,588
- Kevin, could you
not do that?
714
00:27:10,672 --> 00:27:15,510
- What? I'm moving the ink down
in my pen for work.
715
00:27:15,593 --> 00:27:16,636
- Here, use my pen.
716
00:27:16,720 --> 00:27:17,846
- Don't tell me what to do!
717
00:27:17,887 --> 00:27:19,014
both: shh!
718
00:27:19,097 --> 00:27:20,306
- No, I don't need this.
719
00:27:20,348 --> 00:27:22,809
And you obviously
don't need me.
720
00:27:22,892 --> 00:27:25,145
- Kevin, where are you going?
- Away.
721
00:27:25,270 --> 00:27:29,649
Tell Phillip that his stupid
little baby wish came true.
722
00:27:30,400 --> 00:27:31,484
- [scoffs]
723
00:27:31,568 --> 00:27:33,028
- [exhales deeply]
724
00:27:33,111 --> 00:27:34,320
He just won't go down.
725
00:27:34,487 --> 00:27:36,614
It's as if he's excited
by all this paper.
726
00:27:36,698 --> 00:27:37,907
- I know.
727
00:27:37,991 --> 00:27:39,409
Earlier today,
728
00:27:39,492 --> 00:27:41,244
he tried to eat some of the
24-weight letter bond.
729
00:27:41,327 --> 00:27:43,038
- Smart baby.
730
00:27:43,121 --> 00:27:45,206
That's the most
flavorful bond.
731
00:27:52,464 --> 00:27:54,049
- Hey, what's going on
over here,
732
00:27:54,174 --> 00:27:56,760
some sort of singing
competition for the young'uns?
733
00:27:56,801 --> 00:27:57,886
- You're back.
734
00:27:58,011 --> 00:28:00,221
- No, it's me, Andy.
- No, I know.
735
00:28:00,347 --> 00:28:02,140
- No, no, no,
I'm wearing makeup.
736
00:28:02,182 --> 00:28:03,892
- You did a really great job.
737
00:28:04,017 --> 00:28:05,226
You even look shorter.
738
00:28:05,310 --> 00:28:06,519
- Oh, I took out my lifts.
- Oh.
739
00:28:06,603 --> 00:28:07,979
- Yeah, unlike Andy Bernard,
740
00:28:08,146 --> 00:28:09,814
this character
is my real height.
741
00:28:09,898 --> 00:28:12,692
- Wait a second.
Are you a singer and an actor?
742
00:28:12,776 --> 00:28:14,361
- You want to know the truth?
- Yeah.
743
00:28:14,402 --> 00:28:16,446
- Singer, actor,
musician, dancer.
744
00:28:16,529 --> 00:28:19,240
- [exhales sharply]
The quadruple threat.
745
00:28:19,324 --> 00:28:21,284
So rare to meet another one.
746
00:28:21,368 --> 00:28:23,286
- Holy Toledo!
747
00:28:23,328 --> 00:28:24,913
- Hold on a second.
748
00:28:24,954 --> 00:28:27,916
Hey, hey, producer
of the singing show!
749
00:28:27,957 --> 00:28:30,335
I got this old man
who can really belt.
750
00:28:30,418 --> 00:28:32,504
It's a real heartwarming
human interest story.
751
00:28:32,629 --> 00:28:36,049
- Oh, what's that you say?
- Yeah, be confused.
752
00:28:36,091 --> 00:28:37,967
- All day long,
it's moo the cows
753
00:28:38,009 --> 00:28:39,928
and cluck the hens.
754
00:28:40,011 --> 00:28:41,304
- Mm-hmm.
- Get the sheep baa-ed.
755
00:28:41,388 --> 00:28:42,931
Oink the pigs.
756
00:28:42,972 --> 00:28:45,225
- Oink the pigs.
That is very important.
757
00:28:45,350 --> 00:28:46,559
- Dwight.
[sighs]
758
00:28:46,601 --> 00:28:48,019
I'm telling you
about all the things
759
00:28:48,103 --> 00:28:50,063
that ma said after the horse
kicked her in the head.
760
00:28:50,146 --> 00:28:54,109
Where are you?
Dwight?
761
00:28:54,192 --> 00:28:56,194
- The way that boy looks
at the "Galactica"
762
00:28:56,319 --> 00:28:59,447
is precisely the way
I look at the "Galactica."
763
00:28:59,489 --> 00:29:02,867
And he eats the same kind
of paper I do.
764
00:29:02,992 --> 00:29:04,536
Hmm.
765
00:29:11,876 --> 00:29:14,087
Thank you, Esther.
- Bye.
766
00:29:24,431 --> 00:29:26,433
- You threw the summoning bag
at me, sir?
767
00:29:26,474 --> 00:29:28,560
- I need you to perform a test.
768
00:29:28,685 --> 00:29:31,312
- Perform a test.
- On an innocent baby.
769
00:29:31,438 --> 00:29:33,732
- Ooh, I like
where this is going.
770
00:29:33,857 --> 00:29:35,358
Unfortunately, I have a lot
on my plate today,
771
00:29:35,400 --> 00:29:37,360
so I'm gonna have to hand
this off to my number two.
772
00:29:37,444 --> 00:29:38,737
But don't worry.
773
00:29:38,778 --> 00:29:40,488
He's the best in the biz.
774
00:29:40,613 --> 00:29:42,282
- Damn straight.
775
00:29:42,365 --> 00:29:43,825
- Unless you think
he can't handle it.
776
00:29:43,908 --> 00:29:46,619
- Hey, he can handle it.
- All right.
777
00:29:53,126 --> 00:29:54,002
- Listen, listen.
Shh, buddy.
778
00:29:54,085 --> 00:29:55,503
- [crying]
- Stanley's sleeping.
779
00:29:55,545 --> 00:29:57,756
You don't want to wake up
the grumpy old walrus, do you?
780
00:29:57,839 --> 00:29:59,591
- I heard that.
781
00:29:59,674 --> 00:30:01,593
- Mama.
782
00:30:01,676 --> 00:30:03,970
- Hey, you want me to take
the little diaper blaster?
783
00:30:04,054 --> 00:30:05,096
Pam can attest,
there's no one better
784
00:30:05,138 --> 00:30:07,932
at getting brats
to shut their yaps.
785
00:30:07,974 --> 00:30:09,476
- He does have a gift.
786
00:30:09,601 --> 00:30:11,269
- Well, he's calling
for his mom,
787
00:30:11,311 --> 00:30:13,063
but, okay, here,
here you go.
788
00:30:13,146 --> 00:30:14,606
Careful, he bites.
- Mama.
789
00:30:14,689 --> 00:30:16,316
- Okay.
790
00:30:18,777 --> 00:30:22,155
You ever been in
a manager's office before?
791
00:30:22,238 --> 00:30:24,115
Phillip, you wanna play
a little game?
792
00:30:24,199 --> 00:30:26,201
It's called
"Schrute or consequences."
793
00:30:26,326 --> 00:30:28,244
You're gonna choose
one of these two things,
794
00:30:28,370 --> 00:30:31,748
a check for
a million dollars
795
00:30:31,873 --> 00:30:35,543
or this dirty old beet.
796
00:30:35,585 --> 00:30:37,796
Yuck, pew!
797
00:30:37,879 --> 00:30:40,840
Which will it be?
798
00:30:40,924 --> 00:30:44,469
Money or the beet?
799
00:30:44,594 --> 00:30:47,263
- Beet.
- Yeah.
800
00:30:47,305 --> 00:30:48,848
- [babbles]
801
00:30:48,973 --> 00:30:50,850
- Any ordinary child
would have taken the money,
802
00:30:50,892 --> 00:30:52,352
but you're no ordinary child,
are you?
803
00:30:52,477 --> 00:30:54,229
No.
804
00:30:54,354 --> 00:30:58,900
I can tell by your gorgeous,
widely-set eyes.
805
00:31:02,070 --> 00:31:04,030
- Sorry, folks, the judges
are totally swamped.
806
00:31:04,155 --> 00:31:05,448
We are all done
taking auditions.
807
00:31:05,573 --> 00:31:06,658
- Oh, come on.
- Hey!
808
00:31:06,783 --> 00:31:08,910
- Whoa, whoa,
whoa, whoa, what?
809
00:31:08,952 --> 00:31:10,453
- But thanks for coming out
and please be sure
810
00:31:10,537 --> 00:31:12,622
to watch "America's
Next A Cappella Sensa--"
811
00:31:12,706 --> 00:31:13,790
- Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
You can't do that.
812
00:31:13,873 --> 00:31:15,041
- Yeah--
- You can't do that.
813
00:31:15,166 --> 00:31:16,835
We've all been waiting!
- Okay.
814
00:31:16,918 --> 00:31:18,378
- I am going in there.
Don't--
815
00:31:18,420 --> 00:31:19,587
- No, you're not, sir.
- Don't--don't--
816
00:31:19,671 --> 00:31:20,630
- Please don't.
- Don't touch me.
817
00:31:20,714 --> 00:31:22,215
- I'm not touching you.
818
00:31:22,257 --> 00:31:23,883
Okay.
- No!
819
00:31:23,967 --> 00:31:25,844
Run, old man! Run!
- Ow.
820
00:31:25,885 --> 00:31:28,555
- Run! Run for your life!
821
00:31:28,638 --> 00:31:30,849
Get off. Don't you dare.
Don't get--I could see it.
822
00:31:30,974 --> 00:31:32,475
You were gonna get handsy
with me.
823
00:31:32,517 --> 00:31:35,186
Not interested.
I'm Casey Dean!
824
00:31:35,270 --> 00:31:36,896
You'll be seeing
the last of me!
825
00:31:36,980 --> 00:31:39,566
Or--I meant you won't
be seeing the last of me!
826
00:31:44,696 --> 00:31:46,990
- Can I talk to you
for a second?
827
00:31:47,115 --> 00:31:49,617
- Well, I've never really had
much of a say in that, have I?
828
00:31:49,743 --> 00:31:52,120
- Okay, this is
really hard for me,
829
00:31:52,162 --> 00:31:55,331
but I don't think
I should be with someone
830
00:31:55,457 --> 00:31:57,208
who doesn't want to be with me.
831
00:31:57,292 --> 00:32:00,754
- You're cancelling our
semi-non-datish stand about
832
00:32:00,837 --> 00:32:02,005
at Poor Richard's?
833
00:32:02,047 --> 00:32:03,340
- Yeah, th-that.
834
00:32:03,465 --> 00:32:07,260
Whatever it is, was, it's over.
The whole thing.
835
00:32:07,385 --> 00:32:10,221
- [applauds]
- [exhales sharply]
836
00:32:11,765 --> 00:32:14,726
You understand that you are
breaking up with a woman
837
00:32:14,851 --> 00:32:18,104
who is, in fact,
not dating you.
838
00:32:18,229 --> 00:32:20,398
- Yes, I do.
839
00:32:20,440 --> 00:32:22,192
For the first time in my life.
840
00:32:22,233 --> 00:32:24,903
And it feels right.
841
00:32:28,406 --> 00:32:29,657
- [chuckles]
842
00:32:31,618 --> 00:32:34,496
What was that exactly?
843
00:32:34,579 --> 00:32:37,916
Did Toby just reject me?
[chuckles]
844
00:32:38,041 --> 00:32:41,503
Does he think by rejecting me,
I'm going to suddenly want him?
845
00:32:41,586 --> 00:32:43,797
[chuckles]
That old clich�.
846
00:32:43,922 --> 00:32:45,799
Yeah, because it didn't work.
847
00:32:45,924 --> 00:32:49,594
News flash, I still
don't find Toby attractive.
848
00:32:49,719 --> 00:32:53,973
Hmm? Even though
he finally grew a spine
849
00:32:54,099 --> 00:32:55,809
and told me where to get off.
All right.
850
00:32:55,892 --> 00:32:57,769
Maybe I find him a tiny bit
more attractive now,
851
00:32:57,894 --> 00:32:59,729
but I mean, come on.
[chuckles]
852
00:32:59,854 --> 00:33:03,942
Toby is my last chance?
853
00:33:03,983 --> 00:33:06,820
Toby's my last chance.
854
00:33:06,945 --> 00:33:09,155
And now he
doesn't even want me.
855
00:33:09,239 --> 00:33:12,325
My God, he's good.
856
00:33:12,409 --> 00:33:14,119
Excuse me.
857
00:33:15,161 --> 00:33:17,038
- Hey.
858
00:33:17,122 --> 00:33:19,040
Did you manage to feed him?
I don't know what it is.
859
00:33:19,165 --> 00:33:21,126
He just keeps
spitting out the nipple.
860
00:33:21,209 --> 00:33:23,211
- That's because this baby
is of superior intelligence.
861
00:33:23,294 --> 00:33:24,671
He can tell when
he's being tricked
862
00:33:24,754 --> 00:33:27,048
out of the experience
of a real human breast.
863
00:33:27,090 --> 00:33:28,383
- Come on.
864
00:33:28,508 --> 00:33:30,135
- He's not that smart.
865
00:33:30,218 --> 00:33:32,637
He doesn't know
where I hid his duck.
866
00:33:38,184 --> 00:33:40,770
- ? I am beautiful ?
867
00:33:40,854 --> 00:33:44,482
? No matter what they say ?
868
00:33:44,566 --> 00:33:48,528
? Yes, words
can't bring me down ?
869
00:33:48,611 --> 00:33:49,612
[thudding]
870
00:33:49,738 --> 00:33:50,655
? Whoa ?
871
00:33:50,780 --> 00:33:51,823
- Hi.
- ? Whoa-oh-no ?
872
00:33:51,865 --> 00:33:54,075
- You're still here.
Oh, thank God.
873
00:33:54,159 --> 00:33:55,243
- ? I am beautiful ?
874
00:33:55,368 --> 00:33:56,953
- Clay Aiken, Santigold,
Aaron Rodgers.
875
00:33:57,037 --> 00:33:58,872
You're, like, my three
favorite people ever.
876
00:33:58,997 --> 00:34:00,665
- Excuse me,
what is this?
877
00:34:00,749 --> 00:34:02,375
- Sweetheart,
you're amazing, okay?
878
00:34:02,459 --> 00:34:04,002
You're obviously gonna
be on the show.
879
00:34:04,127 --> 00:34:05,712
So it's someone else's
turn now.
880
00:34:05,837 --> 00:34:08,715
Yeah.
Go ahead, all right?
881
00:34:08,798 --> 00:34:10,050
Um...
[clears throat]
882
00:34:10,133 --> 00:34:12,802
[as an old man]
My name is Ezra Cornell,
883
00:34:12,844 --> 00:34:16,806
and I'm just a kindly old
fellow with a song in my heart.
884
00:34:16,931 --> 00:34:20,435
- No, you're a middle-aged man
with a lot of makeup on.
885
00:34:20,560 --> 00:34:22,062
- Busted.
[chuckles]
886
00:34:22,187 --> 00:34:23,897
Got it.
Yes, all right.
887
00:34:23,980 --> 00:34:25,357
Tried to get your attention
with tricks,
888
00:34:25,482 --> 00:34:27,150
but you just want
to hear me sing.
889
00:34:27,275 --> 00:34:28,485
I respect that.
890
00:34:28,568 --> 00:34:30,862
- [laughs] We do not
want to hear you sing.
891
00:34:30,904 --> 00:34:32,781
- Gabriella was
our last audition.
892
00:34:32,906 --> 00:34:33,990
Thank you.
Good-bye.
893
00:34:34,074 --> 00:34:36,117
- Nope.
Can't end like this.
894
00:34:36,201 --> 00:34:37,786
Slept in my car last night.
895
00:34:37,911 --> 00:34:40,038
Quit my job,
burned all my bridges.
896
00:34:40,163 --> 00:34:41,831
I went to the bathroom
on my boss's car.
897
00:34:41,915 --> 00:34:44,793
And I did unspeakable things
with Carla Fern.
898
00:34:44,918 --> 00:34:47,754
- Ugh, flag on the play.
- That's--that's what--yeah.
899
00:34:47,796 --> 00:34:48,838
Okay, all right,
well, here's the song.
900
00:34:48,963 --> 00:34:50,173
[clears throat]
901
00:34:50,298 --> 00:34:54,260
? Far above Cayuga's waters ?
902
00:34:54,386 --> 00:34:58,264
? With her waves so blue ?
903
00:34:58,306 --> 00:35:02,060
? Stands our noble alma mater ?
904
00:35:02,185 --> 00:35:04,020
- What is this song?
905
00:35:04,145 --> 00:35:06,940
- Are you insane?
It's the Cornell fight song.
906
00:35:07,023 --> 00:35:08,566
- Listen, all right,
thank you very much.
907
00:35:08,608 --> 00:35:09,859
We're not interested.
908
00:35:09,943 --> 00:35:11,820
- You didn't let me finish.
That's not fair.
909
00:35:11,903 --> 00:35:13,238
- Look, man,
you're not terrible,
910
00:35:13,321 --> 00:35:14,739
but we've heard a lot
of really good singers today,
911
00:35:14,823 --> 00:35:16,241
and you're just
not good enough.
912
00:35:16,366 --> 00:35:18,660
- Wow, you guys
are really mean.
913
00:35:18,743 --> 00:35:20,829
[chuckles]
I guess that's the show.
914
00:35:20,912 --> 00:35:22,205
Let me try a different song, okay?
915
00:35:22,330 --> 00:35:23,748
- Can he do this?
916
00:35:23,832 --> 00:35:26,876
- ? Hey, hobo man,
hey, dapper dan ?
917
00:35:26,960 --> 00:35:28,795
? You both got your style ?
918
00:35:28,878 --> 00:35:31,840
? But, brother,
you're never fully dressed ?
919
00:35:31,965 --> 00:35:35,593
? Without a smile ?
920
00:35:35,719 --> 00:35:36,970
Yeah.
[sniffles]
921
00:35:37,095 --> 00:35:40,932
? Your clothes
may be Beau Brummelly ?
922
00:35:40,974 --> 00:35:43,059
- Look, you gotta go.
923
00:35:43,101 --> 00:35:47,605
- [sobbing]
924
00:35:47,647 --> 00:35:49,441
- You can't
just sit here and cry.
925
00:35:49,524 --> 00:35:52,736
- Oh, I can so
just sit here and cry!
926
00:35:52,861 --> 00:35:54,362
[sobbing]
927
00:36:06,249 --> 00:36:08,043
- Thank you.
928
00:36:10,128 --> 00:36:12,047
- Hey, Kev,
how you doing, buddy?
929
00:36:12,213 --> 00:36:13,923
- Can't hear you.
930
00:36:14,049 --> 00:36:17,093
I'm giving you
the silence treatment.
931
00:36:17,218 --> 00:36:20,930
How does it feel
being ignored?
932
00:36:21,014 --> 00:36:24,017
- Okay, I guess, it's just
that Phillip got you something.
933
00:36:24,059 --> 00:36:27,687
- Yeah, a $25 gift card.
iTunes.
934
00:36:27,729 --> 00:36:29,356
- I think there's,
like, $7 left.
935
00:36:29,397 --> 00:36:30,982
- It's just his way
of saying,
936
00:36:31,066 --> 00:36:33,902
"thanks for letting me
hang out in accounting."
937
00:36:34,027 --> 00:36:37,989
- Phillip got this for me?
- Sure.
938
00:36:38,114 --> 00:36:40,367
- That was
a really cool move.
939
00:36:40,408 --> 00:36:43,995
- Would you like
to hold Phillip?
940
00:36:44,079 --> 00:36:47,374
Yeah.
That's Kevin.
941
00:36:47,499 --> 00:36:49,376
- Whoa.
- Easy.
942
00:36:49,417 --> 00:36:53,171
- What a chubbers.
[chuckles] Whoa.
943
00:36:53,213 --> 00:36:54,214
- Okay.
- Watch it.
944
00:36:54,297 --> 00:36:56,132
- I'm losing my balance.
- Now, Kevin--no.
945
00:36:56,216 --> 00:36:57,258
- Hey, no.
- Whoa.
946
00:36:57,384 --> 00:36:58,426
- No horseplay.
- Stop it.
947
00:36:58,510 --> 00:36:59,844
- You want to play
with the cactus?
948
00:36:59,928 --> 00:37:01,262
- No.
- No, no.
949
00:37:01,304 --> 00:37:03,765
- So me and Phillip
were just talking,
950
00:37:03,807 --> 00:37:08,186
and we decided
we're gonna be best friends.
951
00:37:08,353 --> 00:37:10,647
He's a little standoffish
at first.
952
00:37:10,772 --> 00:37:12,732
But once he starts
buying you things,
953
00:37:12,816 --> 00:37:15,110
man, you can tell
he likes you.
954
00:37:19,531 --> 00:37:22,075
- Toby.
- What?
955
00:37:22,242 --> 00:37:23,660
Nothing.
956
00:37:23,743 --> 00:37:26,454
- This is gonna come
as a surprise to you.
957
00:37:26,538 --> 00:37:27,997
Certainly came
as a surprise to me.
958
00:37:28,081 --> 00:37:30,083
But I have reconsidered,
959
00:37:30,166 --> 00:37:34,421
and I will go to Poor Richard's
with you as your date.
960
00:37:37,924 --> 00:37:41,136
- No, I don't want to be
anybody's second choice.
961
00:37:41,261 --> 00:37:42,929
- [chuckles]
Second choice?
962
00:37:43,054 --> 00:37:45,140
Oh, try 11th.
963
00:37:45,181 --> 00:37:47,225
- See, that's what
I'm talking about, okay?
964
00:37:47,267 --> 00:37:49,477
You're making my point for me.
965
00:37:49,602 --> 00:37:52,480
I want the fairy tale.
966
00:37:52,522 --> 00:37:54,482
Sorry.
967
00:38:01,072 --> 00:38:03,992
I want the fairy tale.
968
00:38:06,953 --> 00:38:09,372
- We have our decision.
969
00:38:09,456 --> 00:38:11,666
- You chose one thing.
970
00:38:11,750 --> 00:38:14,002
- We want to dance with you.
971
00:38:14,085 --> 00:38:16,504
- You want to dance?
- One dance.
972
00:38:16,588 --> 00:38:18,590
All of us together.
973
00:38:18,673 --> 00:38:21,134
- This is what you want?
- Yes.
974
00:38:21,217 --> 00:38:22,344
- Yeah.
- Absolutely.
975
00:38:24,679 --> 00:38:27,682
- Better get some decent
speakers up here then.
976
00:38:27,766 --> 00:38:28,767
'Cause we're gonna
do this right.
977
00:38:28,850 --> 00:38:30,101
- Yes!
[laughter and cheers]
978
00:38:30,226 --> 00:38:32,270
- Yeah!
[laughs]
979
00:38:32,354 --> 00:38:34,189
- Whoo!
- Whoo-hoo!
980
00:38:35,523 --> 00:38:38,526
[upbeat music playing]
981
00:38:38,610 --> 00:38:40,862
- All right,
you want the fairy tale.
982
00:38:41,029 --> 00:38:42,697
Well, here it is.
983
00:38:42,822 --> 00:38:46,868
Toby, I am throwing myself
at you.
984
00:38:46,993 --> 00:38:49,120
I want to be with you tonight.
985
00:38:49,204 --> 00:38:54,959
Take me to this dark den
and do with me as you please.
986
00:38:55,043 --> 00:38:56,378
[music stops]
987
00:38:56,419 --> 00:38:58,046
- Wow.
988
00:39:00,340 --> 00:39:02,676
Okay, that's all I wanted.
989
00:39:02,717 --> 00:39:06,554
Somebody wanting me for me,
you know?
990
00:39:06,638 --> 00:39:09,557
Not me always running
after them.
991
00:39:09,683 --> 00:39:11,434
It's kind of arousing.
992
00:39:11,476 --> 00:39:15,271
So yes, yes,
993
00:39:15,355 --> 00:39:18,191
I will go with you to
Poor Richard's tonight
994
00:39:18,316 --> 00:39:20,068
as your date.
995
00:39:25,281 --> 00:39:26,449
- No.
996
00:39:26,491 --> 00:39:28,410
Sorry.
- Oh, man.
997
00:39:28,493 --> 00:39:31,204
- Oh, so sorry, no.
No, I can't.
998
00:39:31,287 --> 00:39:32,622
I can't.
I thought I could.
999
00:39:32,706 --> 00:39:33,873
I can't.
1000
00:39:33,915 --> 00:39:35,208
Well, it's remarkable,
isn't it,
1001
00:39:35,333 --> 00:39:37,335
how close we come to making
life-destroying choices,
1002
00:39:37,419 --> 00:39:39,629
but no.
1003
00:39:39,671 --> 00:39:41,589
So, so sorry though.
1004
00:39:43,675 --> 00:39:48,096
Buffalo wings on me
tonight though, hmm?
1005
00:39:52,851 --> 00:39:54,811
- All right.
1006
00:39:54,894 --> 00:39:56,813
Free wings from a woman.
1007
00:39:56,855 --> 00:39:59,524
It's not too shabby.
1008
00:39:59,607 --> 00:40:02,068
- Hey.
You wanted to see me?
1009
00:40:02,193 --> 00:40:04,070
- Door. Chair.
1010
00:40:06,698 --> 00:40:08,742
It's about Phillip.
- I'm sorry he's here today.
1011
00:40:08,867 --> 00:40:10,035
But I had--
1012
00:40:10,160 --> 00:40:14,039
- I believe that
that boy may be a Schrute.
1013
00:40:14,080 --> 00:40:18,460
And if he is, that child needs
to be accorded what is his.
1014
00:40:18,543 --> 00:40:21,379
An enormous farm,
an inheritance,
1015
00:40:21,421 --> 00:40:22,464
and the right to be raised
1016
00:40:22,547 --> 00:40:25,633
under rigorous
Schrute traditions.
1017
00:40:25,759 --> 00:40:28,553
You will, of course,
be compensated
1018
00:40:28,595 --> 00:40:29,971
with a marriage proposal.
1019
00:40:32,640 --> 00:40:34,059
- How thoughtful.
1020
00:40:34,225 --> 00:40:35,518
- Then the two of you
would move
1021
00:40:35,602 --> 00:40:38,229
to my 1,600-acre estate,
which, let's face it,
1022
00:40:38,313 --> 00:40:41,358
is a big step up from
living in a gay man's closet.
1023
00:40:41,399 --> 00:40:45,362
- If he is your son,
1024
00:40:45,403 --> 00:40:46,654
that's a great plan.
1025
00:40:48,281 --> 00:40:50,241
But he's not.
1026
00:40:50,325 --> 00:40:51,910
He's not your son.
1027
00:40:54,079 --> 00:40:56,498
- Very well.
1028
00:40:56,581 --> 00:40:57,999
- Can I go back
to my desk now?
1029
00:40:58,041 --> 00:40:59,334
- Yes.
1030
00:41:11,096 --> 00:41:12,681
- What's this?
1031
00:41:12,722 --> 00:41:14,974
- Well, I've been trying
to tell you how I feel,
1032
00:41:15,058 --> 00:41:17,143
and you wouldn't believe me,
1033
00:41:17,227 --> 00:41:21,189
so... I needed a little help.
1034
00:41:22,399 --> 00:41:25,193
- Jim, I need my assistant to
the regional manager, code red.
1035
00:41:25,276 --> 00:41:26,528
- Okay, I don't have
my pocket code chart
1036
00:41:26,653 --> 00:41:28,196
on me right now, so...
1037
00:41:28,238 --> 00:41:30,782
- Now.
1038
00:41:30,865 --> 00:41:32,534
- I have an assistant now
who can help you
1039
00:41:32,659 --> 00:41:33,827
with whatever you need.
1040
00:41:33,910 --> 00:41:35,412
He is lazy,
so crack the whip.
1041
00:41:35,537 --> 00:41:38,707
- Jim, I'm not kidding.
I need you.
1042
00:41:42,627 --> 00:41:44,254
- Go ahead.
1043
00:41:44,337 --> 00:41:49,551
- Okay, um, this is--
I'll be right back.
1044
00:41:54,139 --> 00:41:55,974
What do we got?
1045
00:41:56,057 --> 00:41:58,643
- I was thinking of proposing
to Esther today.
1046
00:41:58,768 --> 00:42:01,688
- Wow! Congratulations.
That's a really big step, man.
1047
00:42:01,730 --> 00:42:03,481
- She's got a ton
of great qualities.
1048
00:42:03,523 --> 00:42:04,733
She's young,
she's beautiful.
1049
00:42:04,816 --> 00:42:08,194
Genes so pure
you could lick them.
1050
00:42:08,278 --> 00:42:10,947
Her family admires me.
My family tolerates hers.
1051
00:42:11,031 --> 00:42:11,906
A lot of them
are the same people
1052
00:42:11,990 --> 00:42:13,658
because we're third cousins,
1053
00:42:13,700 --> 00:42:16,327
which is great for bloodlines,
and isn't technically incest.
1054
00:42:16,369 --> 00:42:17,746
- Right in the sweet spot.
1055
00:42:17,829 --> 00:42:18,913
I think you're gonna
be really happy.
1056
00:42:18,955 --> 00:42:21,916
- Plus her dowry contains
a walk-in freezer
1057
00:42:21,958 --> 00:42:24,252
full of frozen,
premium cattle sperm.
1058
00:42:24,336 --> 00:42:25,754
- [whistles]
That's a lot of pros.
1059
00:42:25,837 --> 00:42:27,422
- And did I mention
that she weaves?
1060
00:42:27,505 --> 00:42:28,757
Colorful, durable
blankets and rugs.
1061
00:42:28,923 --> 00:42:30,091
It all adds up.
1062
00:42:30,216 --> 00:42:32,177
- So what is the problem?
1063
00:42:36,389 --> 00:42:37,932
- [whispers]
Angela.
1064
00:43:03,708 --> 00:43:06,086
- I don't know what
you want me to tell you, man.
1065
00:43:07,962 --> 00:43:11,341
All I know is that
every time I've been faced
1066
00:43:11,424 --> 00:43:14,344
with a tough decision,
1067
00:43:14,469 --> 00:43:17,138
there's only one thing
that outweighs
1068
00:43:17,222 --> 00:43:18,848
every other concern.
1069
00:43:18,932 --> 00:43:21,726
One thing that will make you
give up on everything
1070
00:43:21,768 --> 00:43:24,020
you thought you knew.
1071
00:43:24,104 --> 00:43:29,359
Every instinct,
every rational calculation.
1072
00:43:29,442 --> 00:43:32,028
- Some sort of virus?
1073
00:43:32,112 --> 00:43:34,030
- Love.
1074
00:43:34,114 --> 00:43:35,657
- Oh.
1075
00:43:46,167 --> 00:43:49,045
[Snow Patrol's
"Open Your Eyes" playing]
1076
00:43:49,170 --> 00:43:54,843
? ?
1077
00:43:54,926 --> 00:43:59,806
- ? The anger swells
in my guts ?
1078
00:43:59,889 --> 00:44:05,937
? And I won't feel
these slices and cuts ?
1079
00:44:06,021 --> 00:44:08,606
? ?
1080
00:44:08,732 --> 00:44:14,237
? I want so much
to open your eyes ?
1081
00:44:14,404 --> 00:44:16,823
? 'Cause I need you ?
1082
00:44:16,906 --> 00:44:20,577
? To look into mine ?
1083
00:44:20,660 --> 00:44:23,913
? ?
1084
00:44:23,997 --> 00:44:29,419
? Tell me that
you'll open your eyes ?
1085
00:44:29,544 --> 00:44:31,212
? ?
1086
00:44:31,254 --> 00:44:35,342
? Tell me that
you'll open your eyes ?
1087
00:44:35,383 --> 00:44:38,720
- I'm in love with you.
- What?
1088
00:44:38,762 --> 00:44:43,975
- ? Tell me that
you'll open your eyes ?
1089
00:44:44,059 --> 00:44:45,935
? ?
1090
00:44:46,019 --> 00:44:51,274
? Tell me that you'll
open your eyes ?
1091
00:44:51,358 --> 00:44:52,400
? ?
1092
00:44:52,525 --> 00:44:53,985
? Get up, get out ?
1093
00:44:54,069 --> 00:44:58,448
- Dwight, listen,
no matter what happens,
1094
00:44:58,531 --> 00:45:00,825
you gotta forget
about all the other stuff.
1095
00:45:00,867 --> 00:45:03,078
You gotta forget about logic
1096
00:45:03,203 --> 00:45:05,997
and fear and doubt.
1097
00:45:06,122 --> 00:45:09,250
You just gotta do
everything you can
1098
00:45:09,376 --> 00:45:10,794
to get to the one woman
1099
00:45:10,919 --> 00:45:13,338
who's gonna make
all this worth it.
1100
00:45:13,380 --> 00:45:15,590
At the end of the day,
1101
00:45:15,757 --> 00:45:17,384
you gotta jump.
1102
00:45:17,467 --> 00:45:21,346
- ? For the last time ?
1103
00:45:21,388 --> 00:45:23,264
- You love Angela, Dwight.
1104
00:45:25,725 --> 00:45:27,686
I think you always have.
1105
00:45:31,648 --> 00:45:34,150
- You're a good assistant,
Jim.
1106
00:45:34,234 --> 00:45:37,153
- Not as good as you.
1107
00:45:37,195 --> 00:45:40,615
- That's very true.
1108
00:45:40,740 --> 00:45:41,658
Get the hell out of here.
1109
00:45:41,700 --> 00:45:43,868
- You got it.
1110
00:45:43,952 --> 00:45:47,997
- I was just, um,
checking out my present.
1111
00:45:48,039 --> 00:45:50,083
- This is an amazing gift
because it comes with
1112
00:45:50,208 --> 00:45:51,918
bonus gifts.
1113
00:45:52,043 --> 00:45:54,504
Look inside.
1114
00:45:54,629 --> 00:45:58,633
? ?
1115
00:45:58,717 --> 00:46:02,804
- [laughing] Oh, my God!
The yearbook picture!
1116
00:46:02,887 --> 00:46:04,931
- Yes.
- Incredible.
1117
00:46:05,015 --> 00:46:06,307
Is this the Boggle timer?
1118
00:46:06,433 --> 00:46:07,600
- I didn't think you were
gonna get that one.
1119
00:46:07,642 --> 00:46:09,144
I really didn't.
- Oh, no!
1120
00:46:09,227 --> 00:46:10,603
This is, like,
the best present ever.
1121
00:46:10,687 --> 00:46:13,982
Okay, wait.
What is this?
1122
00:46:14,024 --> 00:46:16,317
- A mini golf pencil
that you threw at me.
1123
00:46:16,401 --> 00:46:18,737
- Like, three years ago.
You saved this?
1124
00:46:18,903 --> 00:46:22,365
- Yes, I did.
- Oh, my God.
1125
00:46:22,407 --> 00:46:25,285
- ? And I won't waste
a minute without you ?
1126
00:46:28,663 --> 00:46:31,249
- [sniffles]
- You watched it.
1127
00:46:31,332 --> 00:46:33,209
- Yeah.
1128
00:46:33,293 --> 00:46:35,128
- Well, then I guess
you're ready for this.
1129
00:46:37,589 --> 00:46:38,673
- What's that?
1130
00:46:38,798 --> 00:46:42,135
- It's from the teapot.
1131
00:46:42,177 --> 00:46:44,804
Everything you'll
ever need to know
1132
00:46:44,929 --> 00:46:46,639
is in that note.
1133
00:47:02,197 --> 00:47:03,990
Not enough for me?
1134
00:47:04,115 --> 00:47:07,035
You are everything.
1135
00:47:13,124 --> 00:47:14,959
- Thank you.
1136
00:47:20,048 --> 00:47:21,508
- Okay. Ready, everybody?
- Hit it, Red!
1137
00:47:23,927 --> 00:47:26,596
[Earth, Wind, and Fire's
"Boogie Wonderland" playing]
1138
00:47:26,721 --> 00:47:33,561
? ?
1139
00:47:40,402 --> 00:47:43,363
- ? Dance ?
1140
00:47:43,446 --> 00:47:45,323
? Boogie wonderland ?
1141
00:47:45,407 --> 00:47:47,742
? ?
1142
00:47:47,826 --> 00:47:50,328
? Dance ?
1143
00:47:50,453 --> 00:47:55,041
? Boogie wonderland ?
1144
00:47:55,083 --> 00:47:57,669
? Midnight creeps so slowly ?
1145
00:47:57,794 --> 00:47:59,170
? Into hearts ?
1146
00:47:59,254 --> 00:48:02,549
? Of men who need
more than they get ?
1147
00:48:02,590 --> 00:48:04,884
? Daylight deals a bad hand ?
1148
00:48:05,010 --> 00:48:10,056
? To a woman
who has made too many bets ?
1149
00:48:10,181 --> 00:48:13,768
? The mirror stares you
in the face ?
1150
00:48:13,810 --> 00:48:17,063
? And says, baby,
uh-uh, it don't work ?
1151
00:48:17,147 --> 00:48:19,232
? You say your prayers ?
1152
00:48:19,357 --> 00:48:20,734
? Though you don't care ?
1153
00:48:20,817 --> 00:48:23,820
? You dance
and shake the hurt ?
1154
00:48:23,862 --> 00:48:26,906
? Dance ?
1155
00:48:26,948 --> 00:48:32,620
? Boogie wonderland, dance ?
1156
00:48:32,746 --> 00:48:34,372
? Dance ?
1157
00:48:34,497 --> 00:48:39,085
? Boogie wonderland ?
1158
00:48:39,127 --> 00:48:41,212
? Sound fly
through the night ?
1159
00:48:41,296 --> 00:48:46,634
? I chase my vinyl dreams
to boogie wonderland ?
1160
00:48:46,760 --> 00:48:50,096
? I find romance
when I start to dance ?
1161
00:48:50,180 --> 00:48:53,475
? In boogie wonderland ?
1162
00:48:53,600 --> 00:48:57,395
? I find romance
when I start to dance ?
1163
00:48:57,520 --> 00:49:00,899
? In boogie wonderland ?
1164
00:49:00,982 --> 00:49:04,944
? All the love ?
1165
00:49:04,986 --> 00:49:08,114
? In the world can't be gone ?
1166
00:49:08,156 --> 00:49:11,701
? All the need to be loved ?
1167
00:49:11,785 --> 00:49:13,745
? Can't be wrong ?
1168
00:49:13,828 --> 00:49:16,915
? All the records
are playing ?
1169
00:49:17,040 --> 00:49:19,167
? And my heart keeps saying ?
1170
00:49:19,209 --> 00:49:23,588
? Boogie wonderland ?
1171
00:49:23,713 --> 00:49:28,343
? Wonderland ?
1172
00:49:28,426 --> 00:49:30,929
? Dance ?
1173
00:49:31,054 --> 00:49:33,765
? Boogie wonderland ?
1174
00:49:33,848 --> 00:49:35,517
? Hey, hey ?
1175
00:49:35,642 --> 00:49:38,478
? Dance ?
1176
00:49:38,561 --> 00:49:39,938
? Boogie wonderland ?
1177
00:49:40,021 --> 00:49:43,191
? ?
1178
00:49:43,316 --> 00:49:46,820
? I find romance
when I start to dance ?
1179
00:49:46,903 --> 00:49:50,573
? In boogie wonderland ?
1180
00:49:50,657 --> 00:49:52,367
? I find romance ?
1181
00:49:52,492 --> 00:49:57,622
? When I start to dance
in boogie wonderland ?
1182
00:49:57,747 --> 00:50:00,625
? Dance, dance ?
1183
00:50:00,750 --> 00:50:02,419
? Boogie wonderland ?
1184
00:50:02,544 --> 00:50:04,754
? Yeah, yeah, yeah ?
1185
00:50:04,796 --> 00:50:06,673
? Dance ?
1186
00:50:06,715 --> 00:50:09,259
? Dance, boogie wonderland ?
1187
00:50:09,342 --> 00:50:10,719
- I wanted to leave quietly.
1188
00:50:10,802 --> 00:50:12,554
It seemed dignified.
1189
00:50:12,637 --> 00:50:14,431
But having Kevin
grind up on my front
1190
00:50:14,514 --> 00:50:16,933
while Erin pretends
to hump me from behind
1191
00:50:17,017 --> 00:50:19,894
is a more accurate tribute
to my years here.
1192
00:50:20,020 --> 00:50:23,231
[exhales]
I'm gonna miss these guys.
1193
00:50:23,356 --> 00:50:24,774
- Okay, I've got my--
1194
00:50:24,899 --> 00:50:26,317
- See you guys
at Poor Richard's, all right?
1195
00:50:26,359 --> 00:50:27,652
- All right, Meredith.
- Okay, bye.
1196
00:50:27,736 --> 00:50:28,570
- See you there.
- Bye, Phillip.
1197
00:50:28,695 --> 00:50:29,529
- Listen, I--
1198
00:50:29,654 --> 00:50:31,489
- High five.
1199
00:50:31,614 --> 00:50:33,116
- Yay!
- Yeah.
1200
00:50:33,199 --> 00:50:35,285
I am gonna drop Phillip off
at my mother's,
1201
00:50:35,410 --> 00:50:37,162
and I'll meet you at
Poor Richard's in an hour.
1202
00:50:37,245 --> 00:50:39,205
- Are you sure you don't
want me to drop him off?
1203
00:50:39,247 --> 00:50:40,707
- She doesn't know I'm
living with a straight woman.
1204
00:50:40,832 --> 00:50:42,250
I don't want
to get her hopes up.
1205
00:50:42,375 --> 00:50:45,337
- All right. Bye, buddy.
Bye, bye, bye.
1206
00:50:45,420 --> 00:50:46,796
- Oh, my goodness.
1207
00:50:46,921 --> 00:50:48,590
- [sighs]
1208
00:50:54,179 --> 00:50:55,638
- Pull over!
1209
00:50:55,764 --> 00:50:57,265
- Dwight?
1210
00:50:57,390 --> 00:50:59,142
- Move to the side
of the road!
1211
00:50:59,225 --> 00:51:00,268
- Why?
1212
00:51:00,393 --> 00:51:02,020
- Pull over!
1213
00:51:02,062 --> 00:51:03,271
- What do you--Dwight!
1214
00:51:03,396 --> 00:51:06,775
[tires squeal]
1215
00:51:06,900 --> 00:51:10,028
Dwight, what the [bleep]
is your problem?
1216
00:51:10,111 --> 00:51:11,404
- Shut up, woman!
- Who drives like that?
1217
00:51:11,446 --> 00:51:13,656
- Listen to me!
I love you!
1218
00:51:13,782 --> 00:51:15,825
And I don't care
that Phillip's not my son!
1219
00:51:15,950 --> 00:51:19,162
I will raise 100 children
with 100 of your lovers
1220
00:51:19,245 --> 00:51:21,081
if it means
I can be with you!
1221
00:51:22,749 --> 00:51:24,334
- Can you put that down?
1222
00:51:24,459 --> 00:51:27,420
- This expresses how loudly
I love you!
1223
00:51:27,545 --> 00:51:28,630
- [whispers]
It's too loud.
1224
00:51:34,928 --> 00:51:37,013
- This is a ring
1225
00:51:37,097 --> 00:51:39,641
taken from the buttocks
of my grandmother,
1226
00:51:39,724 --> 00:51:43,395
put there by the gangster
patriarch of the Coors dynasty,
1227
00:51:43,520 --> 00:51:46,022
melted in a foundry
run by Mennonites.
1228
00:51:46,064 --> 00:51:48,775
- Okay. Yes.
Yes, I will!
1229
00:51:48,858 --> 00:51:49,984
[both laugh]
1230
00:51:52,028 --> 00:51:53,988
- [gasps]
- I love you.
1231
00:51:54,114 --> 00:51:57,367
- I love you!
1232
00:51:57,409 --> 00:51:58,535
- And I lied to you.
1233
00:51:58,618 --> 00:52:00,328
- What?
1234
00:52:00,412 --> 00:52:01,913
- Phillip's your son.
1235
00:52:01,996 --> 00:52:03,331
- What?
Why would you say that--
1236
00:52:03,373 --> 00:52:05,875
- I just needed you
to want to marry me
1237
00:52:05,959 --> 00:52:08,628
because you wanted to marry me.
1238
00:52:09,879 --> 00:52:12,048
- Get out!
1239
00:52:12,132 --> 00:52:13,800
I'm a dad!
- You're a dad!
1240
00:52:13,883 --> 00:52:16,094
- [laughs]
1241
00:52:19,097 --> 00:52:21,182
[indistinct chatter]
1242
00:52:21,266 --> 00:52:22,684
- Hey, grab a seat.
1243
00:52:22,809 --> 00:52:24,394
We have that table
and that table,
1244
00:52:24,519 --> 00:52:27,439
but not that table
or that table or that table.
1245
00:52:27,480 --> 00:52:28,606
Floor's up for grabs.
1246
00:52:28,732 --> 00:52:30,817
Meredith has been
hogging the can.
1247
00:52:32,485 --> 00:52:33,445
- [smooches]
- Oh!
1248
00:52:36,239 --> 00:52:37,699
- You have to change
the channel to PBS.
1249
00:52:37,782 --> 00:52:39,451
- Yeah.
- College baseball is on.
1250
00:52:39,576 --> 00:52:40,702
- But there's a documentary
coming up.
1251
00:52:40,785 --> 00:52:41,786
Everyone in the bar
will love it.
1252
00:52:41,870 --> 00:52:42,746
- What's it about?
1253
00:52:42,871 --> 00:52:45,457
- A paper company.
- [laughs]
1254
00:52:45,540 --> 00:52:46,958
- How many people
want the game?
1255
00:52:47,042 --> 00:52:49,252
- Yeah!
- Yes!
1256
00:52:49,294 --> 00:52:50,295
- Who wants PBS?
1257
00:52:50,420 --> 00:52:52,797
- Whoo!
- Yes!
1258
00:52:52,881 --> 00:52:55,216
- Sorry.
Tie means I do nothing.
1259
00:52:55,342 --> 00:52:56,634
- Sir, please.
1260
00:52:56,676 --> 00:52:59,054
This show is about me
1261
00:52:59,137 --> 00:53:03,933
and my attempts to find love
in all the wrong places.
1262
00:53:04,059 --> 00:53:04,976
- One more for the doc.
1263
00:53:05,101 --> 00:53:07,937
- Hey!
[applause]
1264
00:53:07,979 --> 00:53:09,397
- Yay, Andy!
1265
00:53:09,481 --> 00:53:12,525
- All right.
- Yes!
1266
00:53:12,650 --> 00:53:13,902
- Hey, how was
the singing show audition?
1267
00:53:13,985 --> 00:53:18,656
- Oh.
Eh, whatever. No big deal.
1268
00:53:18,782 --> 00:53:22,619
- Okay.
30 seconds to show time.
1269
00:53:22,744 --> 00:53:24,704
- I feel scared a little.
1270
00:53:24,746 --> 00:53:26,331
- Yeah, I'm not ready for this.
1271
00:53:26,456 --> 00:53:28,541
- No one is ready for this.
You can't be ready for this.
1272
00:53:28,667 --> 00:53:30,335
We don't even know
what this is.
1273
00:53:30,460 --> 00:53:34,089
- One thing we do know.
Nothing will ever be the same.
1274
00:53:34,214 --> 00:53:35,840
- Here we go.
1275
00:53:35,924 --> 00:53:38,843
[upbeat music]
1276
00:53:38,968 --> 00:53:41,680
- All right, Jim, your
quarterlies look very good.
1277
00:53:41,805 --> 00:53:43,473
How are things going
at the library?
1278
00:53:43,515 --> 00:53:45,392
- Oh, I told you.
I couldn't close it, so--
1279
00:53:45,475 --> 00:53:48,978
- So you've come
to the master for guidance?
1280
00:53:49,104 --> 00:53:50,730
Is this what you're saying,
grasshopper?
1281
00:53:50,814 --> 00:53:52,982
- Uh, actually,
you called me in here.
1282
00:53:53,108 --> 00:53:55,110
- All right. Well, let me
show you how it's done.
1283
00:53:55,160 --> 00:53:59,710
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